#fandom is a cycle and every month or so i see someone say without fail something like

[the-way-astray]

guys i really hate to break it to you, but elves would not consider the moon landing to be a particularly outstanding achievement

[lifeonthemurdersim]

All Roads Lead To Here- Chapter 5: On The Balcony AND Chapter 6: The Light Fandom/Universe: Siren From Hell Characters/Pairing: Multiple AO3 Link(full tags, warnings etc here) Word count: 11,198 words(?!) and 3,449 words respectively. This turned into a little Halloween double feature so I strongly recommending reading on AO3 where I have split it into two parts, but both are from today's prompts! Synopsis: The worst that could happen, happened. Fortunately there's one person involved that the universe has a little deal with... Author's Note: LAST GoreKinktober piece, oh my god! I've had so much fun with it. While I'm not sure I'd do this again, I'm really hoping I'll continue to write more regularly! Anyway, Siren From Hell is the work of @cptsadist and so are ummm... featured- Jet, Trance, Egon, Seiren, Wraith, Bogy, Silas, and mentioned- Hauer, Ralph, Johann, Corbin and Armen. More about Gorekinktober on my pinned post! Kinktober prompt(s) used: Balcony (it was a free day and I wanted to mirror the other ending) Goretober prompt used: Corpse

A corpse, but one of living breathing flesh and blood.

An abomination, forced to undergo a multitude of deaths without ever actually dying.

A dead enby walking.

No-one could really say what Hope was. With all the non-humans that existed in this world, how did one class someone who seemed fully human, yet unable to die, not through immortality or physical revival, but with time and death seeming to bend around them, throwing them back to try again, and again, and again.

When had it even started? It took many years for Hope to realise that the suicide attempt they had made when they were 20, those dreams they had of white light and grey water and serenity, might in fact have been the first time they died. Then again, the loops themselves, they hadn't started until many months later, when they were in college, and happened upon what turned out to be a very wrong choice of bar.

How they had come to even exist was very much up for debate. Millions of people travelled smoothly from life to death as nature intended. A few touched clinical death for a moment, kissed it momentarily before being dragged back. Hope, however, was in a constant dance with death. A cycle. A loop.

Why Hope? Maybe because she already had some things in common with death. Melancholy, quiet, strong-willed. Maybe it was some kind of cruel game or joke in the eyes of a creator Hope still didn't think she believed in. "Oh, you wanted to die one time? Well haha, now you can't." Maybe it was random luck, or lack thereof depending how you looked at it, and they were just a glitch in the universe.

Yes, no-one knew the what, when, how or why of Ebony Hope Chambers.

But she knew one thing.

She knew who she was.

She was the person who came back, over and over and over again. She was the person who got to stare right into the most horrific outcome, the worst possible ending imaginable... and say Fuck. That. Shit.

They were Hope. The only hope.

See, it wasn't just Jet who'd learned something from Theo. She remembered going back to his apartment after her failed attempt to help, only to find Theo gone, Jet gone, and a ton of blood all over the bed, the floor, the cupboard. The loop had ended, without them there, while they'd still been mulling over whether they even wanted to go back.

With the new revelation that Theo had died, presumably while they were still in the limbo between life and death, Hope knew how key it was that other people in the loop could only come back if they died before her. Not only that, but killing their captor ended the loop.

All this came together in the realisation that they could not let Trance die before them. Trance was her kidnapper, the keystone at the centre of this loop. If she let Trance die, then everyone else who'd died, every single one of those people, friends and foe alike, they could never come back. Hell, even if she and Trance both lived, that would probably end the loop.

So she had to die first. It was hell. Thank God Trance took pity on her and helped. Once they hit the river, they didn't hesitate, they ran. Right into the bright white light that would lead them back to life. They had to start the loop before Trance died or they might well be coming back the sole survivor. Luckily the same way they were starting to be able to cling to the river a little longer when they wanted to, they were starting to get the hang of leaving it faster, too.

Back to the bar. Do everything the same. Everything. It all started with a shy glance and then snapping abruptly back to the bar. Talk to Trance. Let him drug her. Get kidnapped. Trapped in the basement. No fucking sleep. God, physically it might only have been 24 hours again, but mentally it felt like forever. But they had to hold on. Bide their time. Spend every moment alone planning. Get into that damn shower.

Admittedly, they could just not attempt to get themself off in the shower, especially as this time around they knew they weren't going to get to finish. But no, that was not the point of deviation. They weren't going to risk that. They had to wait, trying not to get themselves too worked up this time. Wait until...

"Hey. Uh... don't be scared!" Jet called as the bathroom door closed with a soft click.

They hadn't recognised his voice as anything other than "not Trance's" the first time. It had been too long since their first and only other meeting. But now it was less than a day in their memory. They obviously knew it was him. They didn't check or wait. They poked their head straight out this time. "Jet?" they asked, genuinely so relieved that they didn't even have to feign sounding surprised.

"Hope!" he replied so quick it was practically interrupting, but they didn't mind one bit. "You're alive!"

"You're alive..." they replied much more softly than the first time, fixing him with an affectionate smile. Seeing him here only strengthened their resolve. They couldn't watch Trance plunging that knife into his back again. "Look, we can talk about all the how and why later, just..." they said quickly, before it could get into the same discussion of Theo. They were still wondering how Jet even remembered them after their death, but that could wait, too. They grabbed a towel and wrapped it around themselves so they wouldn't soak him as much, then ran up to him and threw their arms around his neck, holding him close. Jet seemed surprised but pleased, embracing them back softly.

"Wow, you're really happy to see me." he commented in pleasant surprise. They nodded, their cheek brushing against his. "Guess I'm not... used to that..." he admitted, drawing back and smiling at them with a slight blush across his pale skin. Fucking hell he was beautiful, they wanted more than anything to kiss him again. But they could get carried away, they could waste valuable seconds, he could ask them to explain it this time, way too much could happen and it just wasn't worth the risk.

The fight that had started right before they kissed the first time could be heard in the distance. They had roughly the amount of time it had taken from then to Hope cumming to get out of the house before Trance realised what they were doing. Which even she would have to admit was not very long.

"Jet, we need to get the hell out of here." they explained, stepping out of the hug and grabbing their clothes. Jet's look of disappointment at them letting go would have damn near broken their heart had it not quickly been replaced by one of confusion at their words.

"What... why... to where?" he asked, then immediately seemed to get distracted as they turned away from him, pulling up the towel and drying their hair roughly before they let it fall to the floor. "You're... you're naked." he pointed out.

"You walked in on me showering." they pointed out in a teasing tone, turning to eye him up over their shoulder. He was blushing much harder, seemingly torn between staring or looking away which only led to him fidgeting adorably. They bit their lip and smirked before very deliberately bending down to get their clothes. Given the things she'd done with Jet the last loop around, she didn't feel shy to be flirty around him anymore. Maybe they had time to... no, they mustn't be tempted. This time they grabbed their bra so it wouldn't hurt so damn much to run, fastening it on first.

"OK but... but you realise even though you're turned around I can see... a lot of you, right?" he asked in an oddly strained voice.

"I know." they responded as they pulled on their boxers, turning around to face him, hand on hip. "Don't worry, you can see the rest later." they deliberately misinterpreted with a wink, pulling on their slightly torn up cropped shirt, pantyhose and shorts, while Jet looked like he'd internally blue screen of deathed.

"I... I don't..." he replied. "Sorry, I'm just... where are we going, exactly?" The way he was stuttering, it was like they'd swapped places entirely. It was pretty damn adorable. Once their boots were on, they grabbed their leather jacket too seeing as they'd hopefully be going outside and their sweater was god knows where after Trance had spilt that drink on it. Their phone and wallet were confiscated from their pockets though; they'd checked that before they even got in the shower.

"We're gonna get the hell out of here and find our friends." they explained. She had no idea how they even found them, but all they knew is they would be here. "Phi and Si and... Bogy, right? Then we're gonna come back for Azazel before he sets the whole damn house on fire."

"Well Bogy's... a little more than a friend..." Jet replied with a little giggle. "But... sure!" Hope's heart sank. That flirty confidence drained back out of them. They were... fuck... they'd seemed happy to see each other of course, but so had she been to see Azazel, Phi, Silas.

She'd... said something about her and Jet taking care of Hope though. Fuck. Of course. Of course they were a thing. The same girl Azazel liked too, that was... fucking typical. But... oh god. They'd done... so much; in the bathroom, in the closet... and she'd started it. OK... fuck it, they were the only one it had actually happened for; they could deal with the hurt later, they could deal with the guilt later, they could deal with Jet was possibly a cheating bastard later, right now, she still needed to get the two of them and Azazel out safe.

"Right..." they muttered a little sullenly. "F-fine." They looked at him seriously. "Jet, we need to get out of here because Trance kidnapped me, and if we don't get the hell out of here, he may well kill us."

"Trance?" he responded incredulously. "Trance is my friend, he would... would never do something like that..." Serious deja vu already. The first time he'd taken a reasonable amount of convincing, but this time, they already knew what would eventually win him over. Apparently he knew about Egon due to some of the videos he'd made him watch, but Trance, not so much.

"OK Jet, same logic as Theo, OK?" she explained quickly. "I know you think Trance is a good guy... and in some ways he is." they admitted. "But if you're right, and Trance is all cool with this, we're just two friends going for a walk, right?" Jet seemed to think it through briefly, but pretty much had to concede to it.

"Well... yeah, that seems fine." he agreed. "And... if you're right, we'll be getting away." That reciprocation, that willingness to believe them this time, even if it was just a little, meant a lot to Hope. They offered him the smallest smile and nod.

"OK, let's go while Trance and Wraith are still arguing." they said, unlocking the door and peering around into the hallway. No one was there, so they grabbed Jet's hand and led him out quickly.

"OK, uh... sure!" he replied in a quieter than usual but still enthusiastic tone, giving her hand a little squeeze that made Hope glance down uncertainly.

They really were back to square one. Trying to convince Jet a murderer was, in fact, a murderer. Ending up holding hands with him while he had some form of partner. Trying to make sure no-one died in the process. Only this time it was a hell of a lot more painful on every account.

Fortunately Trance and Wraith were still arguing. If it had taken them that long to notice that she and Jet were even in the bathroom together before, they had time to get some distance, and to get to their friends. Hope didn't know this house well, only having been this way once with Trance. "How do we get out?" she hissed to Jet.

"Stairs are this way." he explained in a similarly hushed tone, taking their hand and leading them the right way. "Then I usually go in and out the back door. You can wiggle any key in the lock and it opens." Hope raised their eyebrows at him.

"Jet, please don't tell me you've been stalking Egon." they replied.

"It's not stalking!" he insisted. "He's happy to see me! Usually..." Hope raised a brow at him and he gave an awkward smile back. "I just don't have to wait for someone to let me in this way."

"OK, I believe you." they replied through a quiet chuckle, deciding to reserve the Theo comparison jokes for when they were in a little less danger. "Could you take me that way, please?"

"I'll take you any way you want." he flirted with a little grin over at them, and they felt themself blushing hard.

Once again, they'd started it, so they couldn't even tell him off for it, just spluttering out a quiet "Th-thanks..." as he giggled, gave their hand another squeeze and led them out that way. It was a starry night, way more visible from out here, a little chilly though. Jet shivered, reaching his other hand across to their arm instinctively to huddle closer. "Forgot how cold it was..." he complained, clearly thinking nothing of the additional proximity. All these things that should be sweet were making them feel all the worse thinking about Bogy. They looked at the jacket across their arm. They could do with it themself, but probably not as badly.

"H-here..." they offered, pulling away and passing the jacket to Jet, giving themself some breathing room in the process.

"Oh!" Jet replied, as they followed the path around the house to get back to the front. "Are you sure?" he asked, but even as he did he was pulling it over his shoulders to warm up. "Aren't you cold?"

"I mean... a little, but not as cold as you I don't think." they pointed out.

"It's nice! Really warm." he noted, slipping his arms into the sleeves.

"Yeah, I get cold pretty easily." they explained, wrapping their arms around their bare waist, already regretting it a little as their damp hair started to chill quickly. "It doesn't zip up on me anymore though..."

"Well... at least if you need it back, I'll keep it warm for you!" Jet pointed out. Even that gave them weird little pangs, they smiled and tried to cover up that there were already goosebumps on their arms. "Ooh, I have an idea actually!" he added.

"Is it a good idea, though?" they teased lightly as they tried not to shiver themself. They both reached the front of the house where a few cars were parked; Trance's hummer that she and Azazel had been maneuvered into before they passed out, a large grey pickup truck, and a slightly battered little black car on the end.

"Hey!" Jet replied, nudging her arm with his but still laughing a little. To their surprise he pulled out a set of keys and unlocked the smallest car, opening up the trunk and looking for something.

"You have a car?" Hope asked with interest.

"What, do I not seem like I would have a car?" Jet asked. He apparently didn't find what he was looking for as he moved around and began looking in the back, the sound of cans clattering a little.

"I don't know." they replied, shrugging slightly, folding their arms tighter around themself. "I... can't actually drive..." they admitted. "So I guess I forget most people can."

"Did you want me to drive us now?" he asked. He apparently gave up searching the back for what he was looking for too, shutting the door. "Oh..." he chuckled as he apparently glanced something through the door to the passenger side. He opened that door and pulled out a black hoodie, shutting the door again and passing it to Hope. "Here. It's not as warm but like... you said you're not as cold, so..." Hope couldn't help but smile a little despite the unease his sweet actions kept giving them.

"Can't argue with that logic." they replied, slipping it on. It was presumably baggy on Jet since they were able to zip it up, wrapping the cuffs around their hands before slipping them into the pockets. It smelled of him. They needed their head checked if the scent of 3-in-1 and Axe and possibly a hint of spilled energy drink was suddenly that appealing. "Thanks..." they responded with an appreciative smile.

"You look so cute..." he commented with a little smile back. Hope found their face heating right up again.

"Jet... c'mon..." they complained quietly, still struggling to fully tell him off. It was the kind of attention they absolutely craved, but still they knew it wasn't right. Well, maybe it was? "Cute" was annoyingly ambiguous like that. It was probably totally fine. Unless it wasn't.

"Oh I'm... I'm sorry...?" he replied, quickly changing the subject before she could think how to think of the words to reaasure him. "So uh, we walking or...?"

"Oh!" they replied, looking to the car and realising she'd never answered his question. "Oh, yeah, uh..." It would get them further from the house faster, but that wasn't really the goal right now. Plus if it was noisy when it started up, it could alert the others to their presence pretty damn quickly. "I think we'd better walk... just show me which way you usually drive in because I bet the others came that way. Uh... are coming that way."

"Okay!" Jet agreed happily as he locked up the car, still fixing them with that soft smile. They didn't really know what that look meant, only that it was another thing they liked but shouldn't. Anyone else would actually confront the situation, but Hope wasn't anyone else. They got awkward when it came to speaking out about things like this. So instead they followed silently by Jet's side as he walked with them, starting down a long road that led through some woods. "So, how do you know our friends are coming?" he asked.

"Oh, uh..." Hope began. "Well I could pretend I'm psychic..." they joked. "But it's... actually way more complicated." She still didn't know why they were even coming. "Did you speak to Bogy at all today?" they asked.

"Oh, yeah, I texted her before I found you!" Jet explained, pulling his phone out. "Shit, I have a couple missed calls from her." he realised before passing it over. She read through the text, ignoring the additional stomach churning from the little kissing face, giving the phone back and shoving her hands deep into the pockets of his hoodie.

"OK, she must have got into contact with mine and Azazel's friends when you mentioned him..." they said. "How long does it take to get out here from town?"

"Usually about 30, 40 minutes." he answered. He looked at his phone, checking the message again and then the time from the looks of it. "Do your friends live in the center?"

"Yeah." they answered. "Actually I don't know for sure about Silas..." they admitted. "W-we don't speak much... but Phi has a little apartment and they're usually together there." That place was up on the 18th floor, beautiful views of the city. Phi was one of their closest friends but damn... they had a lot that Hope was jealous of.

"I don't think they'll be much longer, then." Jet suggested. "Do you want me to call Bogy?"

"Uh, yeah." Hope agreed, genuinely not able to tell how long it had taken in the other universe given that they didn't have their phone. "Just see where they are." She glanced back at the house as they started down the side of the road together, and spotted a white-haired figure on one of the balconies. Not the little end one, but a larger one leading off one of the bedrooms. "Oh shit... I think that's Trance..." she murmured nervously. Jet glanced back too.

"I'm guessing that's... not so good?" he asked, speeding up a little as they both turned back to the road, starting up a call at the same time.

"I-I'm not sure." they replied. "If he alerts Egon and he and Leilana get into a fight over Azazel that... won't end well." they tried to summarise.

"Do you want to go back?" he asked.

"I... don't know." they admitted, looking between the house, where Trance now appeared to be heading in, and the road ahead of them. They thought they saw lights way off in the distance. "Uhhhhh... OK, let's go a little faster." they suggested, speeding up to the quickest pace they could walk in the direction of the light.

"She's not answering her phone..." Jet replied, looking slightly worried.

"I think we're OK." Hope replied, seeing the little speck of light grow closer and larger. As it grew nearer it was clear they were two headlights. They found themselves running a little, Jet speeding up too to keep up. It was always a little eerie to see Wasei's car hoving into view. Phi had acquired it after his death. It was reminding them, though, that they had very little in the way of a plan here and they really needed to have one within the next five minutes. "Could you put your torch on, get their attention?" they asked Jet.

"Yeah, of course!" he replied, shining it in the direction of the road but not head on towards the car. As they got closer, they could see a glimpse of green hair that indicated it was Bogy driving. When she spotted Jet and Hope running in her direction though, she stopped abruptly and pulled over, rolling down the window. Jet hopped over to her with a smile, leaning into the car.

"Can you answer your damn phone next time?" she asked him. "You had me worried."

"Sorry." Jet replied with a sheepish giggle. "You know you didn't either."

"I was driving." Bogy pointed out. "These two are practically glued to each other so I thought I'd help them out. Oh, Jet, this is Phi and Silas, and guys this is Jet." she added as they hopped out of the back.

"Hey!" Jet greeted them.

"Hi." Silas said quietly.

"Hey!" Phi replied more emphatically before the two of them walked quickly over to Hope, Phi pulling them in for a hug. Hope hugged them back, leaning their head on their friend's shoulder for a moment. It had been a long fucking day. "Are you OK?" they asked, drawing back and looking them over. "Where's Azazel?"

"Uh, yeah, just a little cut up." they explained. They gave Silas a slight wave to which he waved back. "He's still in the house as far as we know. We need to go back and get him, I just thought it would be easier with all of us together."

"Do you want me to drive us all?" Bogy asked. Hope thought for a moment, still trying to fit all the pieces together though it was making their head spin.

"Trance is already headed this way, we think." they explained. "I feel like if we walk, it'll be less threatening."

"Why would you want to be less threatening?" Phi asked, even as Bogy did as advised, letting Jet back off again before swinging the car in to the side of the road, which would leave it fairly obscured should they have to come back here.

"Because..." Because they'd seen it one way, and they didn't want to see all that again. The only way they could think of to keep everyone alive was to try and de-escalate the whole situation. "Look, he's not all bad." they tried to reason. Phi shook their head a little disapprovingly, taking Silas's hand and beginning to lead the way towards the house. Bogy followed, Jet and Hope falling in either side of her.

"This is Hope, by the way Bogy!" Jet said excitedly, reaching out behind her back to squeeze lightly at Hope's arm before drawing back again. "They're alive!"

"Oh..." There was a look of recollection in her amber eyes at his words, glancing over at Hope. "Oh shit, so... let me get this straight... thier Hope-" She gestured towards Phi and Silas. "Is also your Hope? Like from..." She looked back to Jet.

"Yeah!" he replied. Hope looked away awkwardly at being called "his", a blush creeping across her cheeks as much as she tried to hold back. They hoped it was dark enough to hide that.

"Damn, I guess I should thank you, hun." Bogy said, reaching out and giving them a pat on their shoulder even as they avoided her gaze. "You're half the reason Jet agreed to escape that creepy-ass doctor with me."

"Oh!" they replied. "Well I'm... uh... really glad!" they managed to stutter. Despite their awkwardness they were able to look over and fix Bogy with a slight smile. She really was lovely. Although god damn, that made them feel like a terrible person. I've had your boyfriend's cock in my mouth, by the way hun. It didn't happen. It didn't happen. "Uh... you guys are really cute together!" they blurted out. Bogy glanced at them again curiously.

"Oh we're not together." Bogy corrected with a shrug. "Well, I mean... we do screw around sometimes, but we're just friends." Hope felt a sudden sense of relief from the guilt, while Bogy's amber eyes flicked to Jet. "Wait, Jet... what the hell did you tell them?"

"I mean... pretty much that!" he insisted with a shrug. "I guess I didn't exactly... specify..."

Bogy shook her head and smiled over at Hope. "You know how it is, it's on 'til he finds some guy who's most likely gonna kill him and then he disappears again." she teased Jet.

"H-hey!" Jet complained, though he didn't deny it. Hope smiled along, but it only confirmed a lot of those little jealous thoughts she'd had regarding Theo.

"We know how it is actually." Phi joked, looking back at Hope. Silas glanced back at them too. Hope frowned.

"It is... not my fault I got kidnapped again!" they insisted. "He..." they ran a hand through the back of their hair sheepishly. "...seemed so nice at the bar..." Jet peered around Bogy at them, raising his eyebrows with a little grin. "Look, judge me later, we've got shit to do." they grumbled.

"I didn't say anything!" he protested, laughing.

"No but..." they complained through a laugh back, then pouting a little. "You were... looking..."

"What, am I not allowed to look at you now?" Jet teased. "Because I remember a very different offer from the bathroom." That once again sent Hope blushing and not knowing what to say. Even though they'd misunderstood about Jet and Bogy, they couldn't reclaim the confidence they'd had when they'd said that now. Their brain was tied in too many knots.

"Does Trance have nice eyes?" Phi asks, glancing back at Bogy. "They lose their shit over pretty eyes."

"Oh, yeah, he totally does!" Jet replied. "Wait, do you... not know who he is?"

"Si has a poster on his wall." Phi said, nudging him playfully and smiling at him. "Just never thought to check out his eyes though when I have such a pretty boy rightthere, y'know?"

"Phi..." Silas replied, blushing but smiling right back.

"What? It's true!" Phi said with a chuckle, but then their tone shifted to a slightly more serious one. "Look, Hope, please just tell me we're not relying on your kidnapper having some secret heart of gold?"

"Well... not exactly." Hope assured. "I just... think it's fair to try and get him a replacement. Someone who deserves it." She stared at Phi. Phi glanced back at them and picked up on their expression.

"Wait... are you talking about Rahim?" they asked. They'd been talking about whether there was a way to get back at him for months now. The trouble was they didn't know what to do with him.

"Who's Rahim?" Jet asked.

"He killed our friend." Hope said quietly, looking down. Bogy picked up on the distress in her tone and reached a reassuring hand over to pat her shoulder. "We escaped him years ago, God knows why Wasei went back..."

"Oh... I knew someone with that name..." Jet comments. "Well... met him..."

"The way things are working out, Jet, it's probably the same person." Bogy pointed out.

"Rahim was a friend of my dad's." Phi added. "Even he sees how fucked up he is now. But this fucker's got a lawyer so good he got out on bail."

"For murder?" Bogy asked. "That can't be right.."

"We think he somehow got it classified as something else." Hope explained. They had to push forward with the plan though. "OK, I gotta ask this quick. Phi, are you still in touch with Johann?" She saw Silas fidget slightly.

"They are." he clarified quietly.

"Yes, we're still friends." they said pointedly to their partner, chuckling and pressing a kiss to his cheek that seemed to reassure him. "Why?"

"You said he revived that... Ralph guy... creature... whatever he is?" Hope checked.

"Ralph?" Jet asked. "Like... Hauer's Ralph?"

"Yeah, you know him?" Phi asked back.

"Uh... yeah... kinda..." Jet replied with an awkward smile, running a hand through the longer side of his hair. "I think he carried me back to Hauer's... and there was this other time I met him..." He nodded towards Trances house. "...here, actually."

"Jet knows everyone." Bogy told Phi with a laugh, then turned back to him. "Phi and their friend were captured by Hauer and Ralph too, we discussed it in the car." she explained to him.

"Oh, cool!" Jet replied. "I mean, not like... cool that you got kidnapped but like... small world, right?"

"Yeah, I guess..." Phi replied, not sounding quite so positive about it. The fact they'd had to completely relocate because of the experience indicated it was more traumatic than they let on. Still, at least moving into the same town as she, Was and Azazel had led them to meeting Silas. Hope saw him squeeze their hand reassuringly. There was probably a lot of interest to unpick with all the ways their paths had crossed in the past, but Hope was too focused on trying to pull her idea together. They stepped forward a little, walking at Phi's side.

"OK, so uh, Phi, what if you ask Johann to take Ralph, get Rahim, and bring him here?" they asked. "From what you've told me there's no way he won't be able to take him."

"I don't know, we talked about this before Hope..." Phi said reluctantly. "He's been through a lot and... some of it is my fault." They sighed. "He's sweet too, he really is."

"He is!" Jet agreed.

"OK, but I'm not talking him having to actually hurt Rahim this time." Hope explained. "We just need him to knock him out... tie him up... anything to get him here as soon as possible." There was a pause while Phi mulled it over.

"OK." they agreed. "I'll call Johann." They pulled their phone out of their pocket.

"Uh... there's one more thing..." Hope added, glancing up at the full moon above them. "Rahim has... a lot of wolves. Like... dozens, all trained to protect him." Phi suddenly pulled their phone back down, turning to Hope again.

"Forget it, I'm not sending Ralph and Johann to get ripped apart by wolves." they retracted.

"OK; but, but... what if they had some stronger wolves to protect them?" Hope suggested, glancing past Phi towards Silas. Their eyes met his. It was unusual for them to do that, kind of uncomfortable for Hope seeing as they used to have a thing for him that had only recently started to disappate. But they really needed him to pick up on what he was saying. They flicked thier eyes up to the moon and back to him.

"No..." Silas replied. "You... you want me to talk to Corbin?!"

"I'll "talk to" him again." Phi muttered slightly threateningly.

"Or one of the others!" Hope bargained. "I mean you go into that bookshop all the time, right?" They didn't like to have to persuade him into it, but it was their best shot right now. Silas still looked wary.

"Talk to Armen." Phi suggested, giving him a smile. "You're more comfortable with her, she can get in touch with one of the pack." Silas nodded at the compromise.

"O-OK." he agreed, pulling out his phone and beginning to text her. Phi began looking for Johann's number again. Hope looked ahead and could see Trance barely visible in the distance... surprisingly, alone. Well, apart from Seiren, presumably.

"Oh shit, he's on his way... OK, you two go get everything in place, I don't want him to feel like we're ganging up on him... but Phi, give Bogy your shotgun."

"Ganging up on your kidnapper?" they questioned again, but they did take the gun off their back and hand it to Bogy. "We'll keep an eye on you." They nudged Silas with them to the side of the road behind some trees so they could get everything in place.

"OK, Bogy... wait to the side too, don't shoot." Hope explained. "If he tries to run towards us though, feel free to aim at him." They really didn't want to do it, but they had to. "I'll take care of the rest."

"You're... really good under pressure." Jet noticed. They shrugged but gave him an appreciative smile. They guessed they hadn't really thought about it before. "Am I staying with you?"

"Yeah." they agreed. "He already knows we're out here together. Just get behind me if he goes on the attack."

"No... no, you stood up for me when it was Theo, I'm gonna stand up for you!" he said firmly.

"I stood up for you and I lived." they pointed out stubbornly.

"So did I!" Jet protested. "Well... mostly... you know I died for like a minute? I thought I saw you actually." he chattered on, even as Trance approached. Hope started to piece things together, even as she kept her eyes on the singer. "I mean it might not have been you, you were like... turned away..."

"White light, grey water?" they hissed quietly, starting to step slowly in Trance's direction, nudging Jet's arm to get him to do the same.

"Yeah!" he replied. That was why he remembered them, maybe? The hell if she knew how half of this shit worked. "Wait, were you really somewhere like that?"

"Uh... yeah... I'll have to tell you later." they whispered. The way things were going tonight, they certainly had a lot to talk about later. The thing was though, his reaction to them telling him the truth in the last turn of events was so trusting, believing and vaguely impressed that she actually felt confident to do that. The fact he'd apparently been there in death with her, even just for a moment, only solidified it.

"Hey." Trance said quietly as he approached, not waiting for them to reply. "Went for a little walk, huh?"

"Oh, yeah, we did!" Jet replied, nodding along. "You did ask me to keep Hope occupied!" he said, laughing nervously. This was the first Hope was hearing of this, but she guessed it made sense. "But we're... back now so... everything's cool, right?"

"Step away from them, Jet." Trance warned flatly. He studied them both for a second before apparently making a choice in favour of being upfront. "You both know what this is." Jet and Hope exchanged glances. They had no real idea if he was aware there were three others with them or not.

"Trance... look... I'm sorry!" Hope blurted out.

"No you're not." he muttered back.

"I... I am!" they protested, stepping closer to him as he looked her over with a distrustful expression. Before he could even form an assessment, however, they were running, tackling him to the ground, straddling him and pulling his own knife out of his pocket, holding the point to his neck. Hope swallowed. "...I'm really, really sorry." they said quietly, looking down at him with genuine pity. But they know that he'd do the same.

"Son of a bitch..." he growled, trying to fight back a little despite the fact it pushed the tip of the blade into his neck slightly. At first it seemed they were evenly matched enough that Hope could hold him off, but then his eyes began to glow and she knew he'd use Seiren to overpower her. "Bogy!" she called, and Bogy stepped deftly out from the shadows, aiming down at Trance. He stopped, letting out a frustrated groan.

"You realise if you kill me, Egon's probably just gonna shoot you all in the head." he pointed out. Sure enough, they could see Egon heading out of the house, Azazel by his side with the gun pointed at him just as before. Hope knew they couldn't hesitate. "I know." they replied. "I don't want to kill you. N-not if I don't have to." Yes, admittedly, if that ended up being the only way out, she could probably find a way to do it. Lure him out more quickly, pull the same shit, but stab him before Egon could even find them, get away in Jet's car...

They were smart enough to plan it. They had the motive, and if they were honest, they didn't think they'd struggle that much going ahead with it. They had unlimited chances to get it right, too. But if they could get everyone out alive, then they would actually be happy with their decision.

Because despite Phi's teasing, Hope wasn't naive. Hope didn't trust most people; they were confusing, worrying, out for themselves, and yet they still chose to have faith in them to do right. Hope knew this world was harsh and shitty and unforgiving, and they didn't want to be a part of that. They wanted always to respond with softness and honesty and love.

So while it may not really look like it, them doing what they were doing right now was all in the name of, hopefully, making sure no-one else had to die. "C'mon." they said, getting up off of Trance but still holding the knife against his neck. They offered him their other hand.

"Are you serious right now?" he asked, shaking his head as he looked up at her. "You're fucking crazy." It wasn't even said like an insult, or a rejection of the offer. More like an observation.

"Just get the hell up." Bogy said in support of Hope, gun still aimed at his head. Trance flicked his eyes to her and tutted, then stared at Hope and let them help him to his feet. They put a hand under his arm and across his chest, thinking how weird it was that they'd previously imagined holding him in an entirely different way to this. They replaced the knife at his neck, across it this time; much like when he'd threatened her. Also how he inevitably mercy killed her.

"The fuck's going on here?" Egon asked as he approached, looking unsure whether to keep the gun on Azazel or train it towards Hope.

"H-hey... Egon!" Jet greeted with a little wave. Egon ignored him.

"Bogy..." Azazel said happily upon seeing her, despite his current predicament.

"Hey Azazel." she said with a smile back.

"You just had to bring the angel, huh?" Trance asked Egon in a critical tone. Egon stared right back, very little expression crossing his face.

"Yes, I brought the angel." he responded a little gruffly. "What, I have to leave my fucking victim just so we can get yours?"

"I feel like you'd have more of a point if "my victim" didn't have a knife to my throat." Trance pointed out. Hope gritted their teeth and exhaled hard against his shoulder. They weren't going to be the fucking victim here anymore. No way.

"OK, Egon..." Jet pointed out, stepping forward. "Listen... these guys just want to get their friend back, and then... you can have Trance back and everyone can just chill, right?!"

"Shut up, Jet." Egon replied with a look of mild annoyance.

"Hey, leave him alone!" Bogy defended him. Egon scowled from her back to him.

"It's... fine Bogy..." Jet responded though he definitely looked a little put out. Hope gave him a sympathetic look.

"Whose side are you even on here, Jet?" Egon asked the goth. There was a lot of... movement in the trees to the side of them. Shadows shifting, leaves rustling in a wind that hadn't been there before.

"Look, he's right... I-I've got your friend, you've got mine." they said to Egon, a little nervous due to their lack of prior interaction, and just the fact he seemed pretty intimidating in general. "I just want everyone safe..."

"Yeah, I feel real safe right now..." Trance muttered. There was a shriek from the trees to the side of them.

"Well isn't this interesting..." Wraith commented, walking out leading Phi with a hand around their throat, triggering another momeny of deja vu for Hope, this one far more worrying.

"L-leave them alone!" Silas yelled, running after them, looking like he might actually try to lunge at Wraith.

"I think not, baby bat." Leilana said, appearing behind him, not even touching him, just holding up a hand and keeping him in place. She watched him. "Hmm... a little weaker but it definitely still works on vampires."

"What the hell are you doing?" Egon asked Wraith, looking from the demon to the three strangers. "Who the fuck are all these people?"

"You've all got hostages, I wanted to join in the fun." he replied with a shrug.

"Additional leverage to make sure I get my way." Leilana replied, keeping Silas frozen in place.

"Uh... yeah... also that." Wraith added.

"Let us the fuck go!" Phi complained. They went for one of the stakes at their belt, but Wraith grabbed their wrist, considerably stronger than them, and wrapped his hand around theirs.

"Phi, please, be careful..." Hope begged given how their interaction with Wraith had gone before.

"You think it'd hurt more or less to stab a human in the heart with one of these?" he asked no-one in

particular, pointing the stake at Phi's chest. Bogy spun around and swung the shotgun towards him. "Hey, calm the fuck down, I'm just asking a question." They looked at each other for a moment.

"Why don't I have them stab this one with it?" Leilana suggested. "They seem to have an emotional bond." Wraith snapped out of his confused look to turn back to her with a grin.

"Ohhhoho nice, but if you can control vampires, why not have him bite 'em?" Wraith suggested with a smirk.

"Oh I like that, that seems like it would he painful for them both!" Leilana replied gleefully. "Perhaps later." She paused. "Now, let me see..." she mused, looking to Egon. "These aren't yours because you didn't know them."

"Who are you?" Egon complained.

"That's Leilana!" Jet told him helpfully. Fortunately that also clued Hope in; they knew from their conversations with Azazel exactly who she was. The demon that followed his cult around. She guessed she was too occupied with Jet in the closet to realise before. Leilana rolled her eyes at Jet and then continued.

"I suggest then, that you-" She nodded at Hope. "-hand Azazel over to me whenever you've completed whatever little switch you're working on."

"N-no..." Azazel whimpered.

"You're assuming I'm actually going to give him over." Egon pointed out. "I got options to weigh up."

"Great, I'm just some fucking bargaining chip now, huh?" Trance replied.

"Just be grateful I'm even out here trying to save your ass!" Egon pointed out.

"Are we gonna kill one of 'em or not?" Wraith complained to Leilana.

"Not yet, that defeats the entire point, you idiot!" she snapped back.

"It is your job to-"

"You don't think I have better shit to-"

"Hey, I'm not an-"

"Why did I think you'd be-"

"D-do I know him-"

"That's just Wraith, he's-"

"Can you just let me the fuck go-"

"Phi, d-don't-"

Hope was struggling to comprehend what was even going on as everyone started talking over each other. She kept the knife at Trance's neck but her hands on him trembled as they squeezed their eyes shut tight, feeling completely overwhelmed. They had a plan. They knew they had a plan. But right now they couldn't even remember what the hell it was, there was so much fucking noise.

"Hey, STOP!" Jet yelled over everyone. When Hope opened their eyes, he was walking forward a little, looking around at everyone with both arms raised. "Can we just... just see if there's a way for us to get through this without anyone getting hurt?"

"Gonna be honest with ya Jet, I don't really give a shit if anyone gets hurt." Wraith retorted, but it had created enough of a gap in the conversation that Hope could calm a little from the overstimulation, remember what they were doing. Jet glanced back at them and smiled. Was that why he'd done it?

"Y-yeah... I wanna try and... d-do that..." they replied, still shaken. Jet stepped back behind them to let them speak.

"Well get me Azazel, and there's no need for anyone to get hurt, darling." Leilana assured Hope, fixing them with dark brown eyes that made them feel... oddly soothed. Well... maybe more placated, because they weren't calm as such. They were... oh god they were... mildly horny. She breathed a little deeper against Trance's neck as the demon held her stare, and he looked over at her with interest.

"She's a succubus." he explained, picking up on what their reaction meant annoyingly fast.

"I-I know." they responded a little breathily, tearing her gaze away quickly from Leilana's face while the demon cackled delightedly.

The thing was, as Jet had now experienced first-hand... being a little aroused actually tended to give Hope a boost in confidence. "Look." they managed to say, taking a deep breath and then glancing around to everyone. "No-one here is a bad person." There were a couple of smiles, but far more groans, scowls, tuts, and rolls of eyes. They sighed. "Or... no-one here is a good person, depending on how you look at it." they corrected. "Wh-what if I can... can try and... get all of you a little of what you want?" they suggested.

"Taking into account that Seiren wants to kill you, where do you figure the compromise is?" Trance asked, still side-eyeing them.

"We're getting you someone. Real soon." they explained, looking over at Phi, who nodded despite Wraith still having the stake at their chest. "Look... Seiren... I know we haven't gotten along so far but... I also... know you're in there..." she said, looking over in Trance's direction. "So... this guy can't feel pain, but... but that just means you can... play with his blood or whatever longer." Trance paused for a second, then laughed slightly, rolling his eyes. "What?" they asked.

"He kinda likes that you understand we're two different people." he explained. He stared at Hope. "I mean... I don't really give a shit who he kills..." he pointed out. "Maybe... maybe I'd rather it be someone else." he admitted. Hope nodded vigorously.

"OK, well... this guy really deserves to die, alright?" She thought of Wasei and tried not to tear up. She looked between Azazel, Phi and Silas. "We want him dead."

"No pain? Where's the fun in that?" Egon complained. "Is he even gonna be scared of anything?"

"I mean, he still doesn't want to die..." Hope pointed out, well aware that Rahim might not be so suitable for Egon. "If not... I was thinking um... well... L-Leilana...?" she stuttered, looking to the succubus who was almost as intimidating as she was stunning.

"Yes?" the demon asked, looking down over Si's shoulder at her fairly disapprovingly. Azazel had told Hope about her before though. She knew exactly how she operated.

"Can you still... drain people's life force after they're dead?" she asked sheepishly. Leilana gazed at her for a moment, but was seemingly thinking it over.

"To do that the traditional way, one would have to be a necrophiliac." Leilana pointed out. "But considering I instead consume the bodies themselves, that would not be an issue as long as they're freshly killed."

"That's how you do it, huh?" Wraith responded from next to her, looking over at her with surprise and intrigue.

"So, theoretically if..." Hope began before they could get caught up talking about it. "...Egon and Trance did the work in killing off one of your cult guys now and again, you could maybe... hang around here to feed?" Again, despite the dismissive look, she mulled it over.

"That would be acceptable, yes." She glanced over at the large house. "Probably... more acceptable to spend time here than some of the places the cult resides, in all honesty." she admitted, then folded her arms. "But the whole reason I'm here is that they're far harder to isolate without Azazel."

"Hope..." Azazel said quietly from still within Egon's grip, his violet eyes terrified. "I don't want to go back."

"I know, I know Zaze." they said softly, putting up a hand, wary of triggering him to use his powers again. "Look, all we need, is a message from you. Just one message, record it on video if you want! Just tell all those dumbasses they need to send one or two people off a month."

"Hope." Phi replied with a frown.

"Look; I was including me when I said none of us is really good." Hope pointed out.

"No..." Azazel replied. "It's... it is good, th-they kill people they find as "sacrifices" all the time." he explained. "This way it's... only their own members getting..." He looked vaguely nauseous. "C-cannibalised..." Trance and Egon looked to each other for a moment. Clearly they weren't entirely opposed to it.

"From what I saw when me and Azazel were running from them, most of them are awful people, too." Bogy added. She pulled a face of vague disgust. "Some of the shit they've done..."

"I guess..." Phi relented. "But... what about brainwashed kids, or... vulnerable people they've led in to get a meal out of 'em?" Silas looked to them, nodding supportively.

"Oh, you're more boring than I thought." Wraith complained. Phi glanced at him but still seemed pretty aware of how he had them at his mercy so didn't protest.

"My point is, who can say who really deserves it?" Phi finished. Hope really didn't like that they were this determined to cover all bases while they were in the midst of kidnappers and killers, but deep down... they knew they were kind of right.

"...I can!" Jet realised. He'd been unusually quiet while Hope explained their plan. "I can get anything on anyone! Make sure they do deserve it!" Hope glanced back and gave him a relieved smile.

"Oh shit, yeah." Bogy replied, stepping closer to him and putting an arm around his shoulders. Another twinge of jealousy hit Hope. Ridiculous they knew, but they couldn't help it.

"I got a question." Wraith said, looking Hope over. They glanced at him nervously; after seeing how quickly he'd managed to destroy Phi the other time, who she'd always thought of as a complete badass, they were probably way more scared of him than Leilana. Plus he was a little... unpredictable, which didn't gel well with Hope's logical style of reasoning with people. "What exactly do you think I want, master negotiator?"

Hope had to admit, though they'd obviously seen Wraith before they passed out in Trance's car, three times now actually thanks to their rebirths, they'd never had a real conversation with him. Just the taunting at the top of the stairs in the last loop. They did recall what he'd shouted back to Trance though. "I... think you... just... want to see what happens..." they repeated. "You just want the chaos, someone to toy with." Wraith folded his arms.

"Oh yeah?" he asked. It was evident they might have a point there but he was hardly going to congratulate them. "How are you gonna give me that?"

"C'mon, Wraith..." they said in the most convincing tone they could offer. It came our surprisingly smoothly. They knew causing drama was easy to do under any circumstances, so they were going to have to make the offer seem very attractive to him. "You don't think it would be fun?" A little smile graced their lips. "Introducing these insanely religious guys to a literal demon? Making them question everything their tiny little minds have ever comprehended?"

"Kinda liking you all of a sudden." Wraith responded, grinning and showing an eerie amount of teeth.

"I'm not part of the deal I'm afraid." they responded, making him chuckle back. Respect from a demon certainly wasn't something to be taken lightly. As far as they knew, that was all their non-friends convinced. "So... you have your offer... how's everyone feeling right now?"

"This isn't about feelings." Egon replied. "What you're suggesting... could work pretty well for us." He looked to Trance, not really betraying much in his expression but clearly awaiting his opinion too.

"Insanely religious, huh?" Trance asked of the cult, flicking his eyes across at her again. Hope nodded.

"I bet you could do some really interesting things with them too, Trance." they suggested, practically breathing against his neck.

"Do you have to talk like you're flirting with everyone all of a sudden?" he asked

"I don't know if I can turn it off now, sweetheart." they replied, fingers drumming at his chest, even though a slight laugh broke through. It wasn't even the effect of the succubus anymore. They felt powerful. They finally felt like they might be winning. Trance sighed, but then he looked back to Egon, and nodded.

"I'm getting tired of hanging around here." he replied. "We'll take your stupid deal." Egon's green eyes stared Hope down, not looking as compliant to it, but then looked across to everyone.

"Any bullshit, and we'll send Wraith after you." he suggested. Hope nodded at him seriously. Wraith snorted.

"Sure, if I feel like it." the demon corrected him with a chuckle. But he finally released his grip on Phi, letting them stumble forward a little. "Careful." he taunted.

"C'mon." Hope said to Trance, drawing the knife a little further from his neck and encouraging him to step forwards with them. Bogy followed alongside with the shotgun. Similarly, as Egon walked forward with Azazel, Wraith moved to his side and moved alongside him. As soon as they were close, Hope released their hold on Trance, knife still at his neck, and reached for Azazel's hand.

"Careful, he's a little turned on." Wraith teased the angel as he watched Egon loosen his grip on him slowly. Azazel looked at him in confusion.

"Funny, I was going to say the same thing." Hope couldn't resist joking back despite the fact they were shaking the whole time as they lowered the knife from Trance's throat carefully, leaving him free to return to Egon.

"Very fucking funny." Trance mumbled as he turned and stepped back from them, though he did look at them for a moment. "You were interesting, I'll give you that." he added softly. Hope said nothing, still backing away with Azazel, but then they hesitated and held his knife out to him. Trance looked surprised she was bothering to return it at first, but cupped his hand underneath it. Hope pressed the handle into his palm, lingering for a moment.

"Take care of yourself, Trance." they said earnestly. "You too Seiren I guess..." they added, holding back from rolling their eyes. Maybe... under just slightly different circumstances they could have been closer. Hope could have found a way to end the loop without parting from Trance like this. But the way things had gone, this was the only way they felt safe. As they let the knife go and kept backing away with Azazel and Bogy, the feeling of victory rushed over them and they knew this loop at least was over. They survived.

"None of you are leaving 'til your replacement gets here." he pointed out as he slipped the knife back in his pocket. "He's bugging the hell outta me enough already." Hope nodded.

"That's fair." they said. It was a nice night. Still a little cold, but not so terrible. They could wait it out a couple more hours. As Egon's group all began returning to their own conversations, everything still strange but a lot more calm, Azazel walked right over to talk to Bogy, with Jet backing away to give them their moment. Phi took their shotgun back off Bogy and returned to Silas, slinging it back onto their back before the couple embraced each other. Hope looked away as they moved in to kiss each other, focusing back on looking over at Trance talking with Egon.

They felt a hand brush their lower back. They stiffened slightly, not so much because they didn't know who it would be, but because they did. She turned to see Jet beside her. "You did amazing!" he said quietly, but just as enthusiastic as ever.

She looked across, an intense sense of relief at seeing all ten people around them alive. Trance, Seiren, Egon, Wraith and Leilana on one side. Phi, Silas, Bogy, Azazel and Jet on the other.

The only difference was that one side had Hope.

Maybe they could finally put some degree of value on themself, seeing it like this. Maybe they were worth something.

"Thanks." they replied to Jet, giving him a fond smile. "You know... you helped a lot too, though."

"Not that much..." Jet chuckled. "It was killing me to keep quiet while you explained actually." he admitted sheepishly.

"But you did it." they assured. "But you also shut everyone up so I could think." Hope said, looking down at thier hands then over to him. "Y'know, being able to get along with everyone... even if they don't always treat you right... it counts for... so much." It was certainly something they couldn't do. They smiled. "You're fucking awesome, Jet." He smiled back, looking pleasantly surprised.

"Aww!" he said emphatically, sounding so happy that Hope couldn't help but giggle a little. He leant his head on their shoulder slightly. "You're the sweetest, Hope."

"No, you..." they joked back as they blushed once more at the contact. The top of his hair brushed the back of their neck, making them tingle. There was this weird awkwardness tightening at the centre of their chest though. Everything had suddenly gone from seeing relief and ease and familiarity in him that inevitably got them both killed, to the polar opposite. Everyone was alive, but everything had been so back and forth between them for the last hour or so that suddenly the whole thing felt overwhelming. "Jet, listen-"

"Hope, I-" Jet began simulaneously. He drew back up off her shoulder and they looked at each other, laughing slightly. "You go!" he suggested through it. "I'm always talking, anyway."

"No, honestly, you should." they assured. "It was actually one of those things where I... really don't know what I was going to say, I just knew I should say something, y'know?" they admitted. "So... go for it, please."

"OK." Jet replied, nodding lightly. "Uh... so... about what you said in the bathroom..." Hope nodded, but they could feel thier face starting to blush very deeply indeed recalling it.

"I'm sorry that was... oh god I'm so awkward..." they stuttered, looking down and shaking their head, throwing their fringe all over their face. Jet took her arm in the hand that wasn't already on thier back, peering down to try and see them.

"No, it was hot." he assured, giving them a little smile. "But then..." he struggled as if trying to comprehend their change in demeanour. They looked at him, pushing their hair back a little and trying not to focus too hard on the hands on them. "I felt like I was making you uncomfortable... and I don't know if it was... shy uncomfortable or... or if I crossed a line..."

"You didn't cross a line, Jet." they assured. "I was just feeling weird because you made me think you and Bogy were together." they explained.

"And that... upset you?" he asked. He got to the bottom of things so quickly compared to their shy skirting about. They could point out most of their change in demeanour was just the consequence of trying to back off, but... he made it seem so easy to be honest that it seemed pointless. "Hope, c'mon, just tell me."

"OK fine..." they said, sighing but unable to resist giving him a little smile. "I like you. I didn't wanna make too big of a thing about it when we first met because of Theo but I do."

"I like you too!" he replied hastily. The words made their heart flutter slightly, yet still they worried that it wasn't enough.

"Still, I..." they began, still holding back. They glanced to Azazel talking earnestly with Bogy. Silas kissing Phi. Trance apparently muttering something to Seiren again. Then she thought back to everyone she'd felt similarly for who wasn't there. "The truth is Jet... I make a lot of poor choices when it comes to dumb crushes." they admitted. "Like... just awful... fucking trainwreck decisions." Jet laughed slightly.

"I could be the next one." he joked, giving her a little wink. He glanced over at Egon. "Look... I'm no better." he admitted. "But..." He took a second to get the words together, his fingers pinching at the material of the hoodie he was wearing, and it seemed to jog a memory. "Ooh, OK, so, I lose things a lot... and I've noticed people always say "it's always in the last place you look" when I find them..."

"Oh I can't stand that." Hope said, laughing with him slightly. "It's such a ridiculous phrase, I-I mean, if I'd found it, I wouldn't still be looking!" they ranted. "Of course it's going to be in the..." She looked to Jet, suddenly realising what the significance might be before he even got to it. Their expression dropped to a more serious one as they looked at him. "The last place I look."

"Right." Jet agreed. "So like... it's the same with relationships, you gotta look in a lot of wrong places sometimes, because once you found the right one..." He sighed. "I don't know... I was never great with metaphors."

"No, no that's.." they began. "I get it. If I'd made the right decision I wouldn't still be looking." They turned to face him with a smile. He didn't move the hand off their back, though he shifted to their other arm so he wasn't reaching across them weirdly. "That's really smart, actually."

"Really?!" he asked, sounding pretty surprised even as he smiled back.

"Yeah!" they chuckled back casually, finding that smile so damn adorable. Still, they were cautious. "So uh... I'm gonna do the smart thing and... suggest that..." Jet was looking at them so intently, hanging onto their every word, his hand brushing lightly at their back threatening to undo their firm attempt to be sensible. They couldn't stop looking at his eyes, his lips. "W-we could maybe get to know each other a little more... before we... act upon..." They stared hard at Jet, all those images of what they'd already done in their memories hitting them like a truck. "...anything... else..." they finished a little breathily.

"Uh huh..." Jet replied, his eyes flicking up and down their face longingly like he was anything but in agreement. "I can... we can... do that..." he said unconvincingly. "If you... really want to..." It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't. They felt like it was taking so much of their willpower to not lean in they could barely breathe. The tension between them was so thick they felt like they could sink their teeth right into it right now. But Hope had already tied themselves in too many knots overthinking it to just give in and...

"I don't want to!" they blurted out, and Jet immediately pulled them to him and kissed them hard. Their hands moved to his face and neck as they kissed back with equal measure, putting their all into this because how often did anyone get a second first kiss with someone? It felt so nice the first time but they were scared to do it, scared they'd get caught, scared of how he'd react. Now, as they let the instinctive part of their brain take over, their mouth opening wider, their tongue tangling with Jet's as one of their hands slid up to his hair, they weren't scared of a damn thing. In fact he was the one who had to rein them in, pulling them back a little, panting.

"Woah... OK..." he breathed, hands still at their waist. "Gonna be... hard not to get carried away..."

"Get carried away..." they said in a low, seductive voice, their face still close to his, their breath lingering on his lips. It was all the more powerful than in their fantasies with Jet. He looked like he was doing everything in his power not to fucking explode. "Just... in a little while..." they said as they drew back casually, the hand that was tangled in his hair moving back down and tapping lightly at his chest. "When all this shit is sorted."

"I don't know I'm gonna wait until we get home..." Jet admitted, running his hands over their waist and looking rather enthralled by her.

"I didn't say we had to wait that long..." they pointed out with a raise of their eyebrows, eyeing up the woods all around them.

"...You're so hot..." Jet whined, taking their hands and leaning in to kiss them again, but this time they both held back a little, Hope giggling a little against Jet's lips. "So... you wanna just... see where it goes?" he clarified once they parted again, smiling at them.

"Yeah." they agreed with a gentle nod, a soft smile at him. "As long as it doesn't end on a fucking balcony, I don't even care anymore."

Insomnia wasn't something that ever really went anywhere, of course. There were still nights when Hope would take a while to fall asleep, or keep waking through the night, or get up too early and not be able to get back down again. But recently... well she had to admit, it had often been that little bit easier.

In fact, as their fingertips weaved through their boyfriend's soft dark hair as he lay with his head on on her stomach, chatting away as usual, both in their underwear and each other's shirts despite the breeze blowing through the slightly window, she found herself very close indeed to dozing off right in the middle of the day.

"Oh... I'm sorry... I went off on a bit of a tangent there, huh...?" Jet asked, realising she hadn't replied for a while.

"Oh..." they mumbled sleepily. "N-no... not at all baby!" they assured. "I'd love to give it a play with you later! I just... I didn't get a very good night's sleep last night."

"Oh no, how comes?" Jet asked affectionately, looking up at them with slight concern and picking up the hand that was draped on his shoulder to kiss it. "That feels so nice by the way." he commented of her other hand still running through his hair.

"Oh, I just... there was this streetlight that kept flickering, it was coming right through the blinds." they sighed. They raised their head and peered over towards one of windows of the covered balcony. "God, I hope they fix it today..."

Originally the idea that the two of them were getting kicked out from the couch to the balcony was just a joke about them making too much noise in the living room, kitchen, bathroom, and... well pretty much anywhere that wasn't Phi and Silas's bedroom, but over time, they'd actually come to like it. Neither of them felt safe going back to their own apartments for now, everything still felt up in the air, even with the agreement for Leilana to pick members of the EBC out to be Trance and Egon's victims. They got to put in the dirty work and get what Seiren needed and Egon... just plain enjoyed, Lana still got to eat them when they were done, and Azazel got to live a much quieter life with Bogy and their friends.

Despite it all, Hope couldn't bring herself to hate Trance. She still felt sorry for him in a lot of ways, and she still wished for the best for him. He'd recently given them a rather generous budget for exclusive access to some designs they'd been brave to ask if he was interested in, they were currently in production. There was a chance if word spread, they wouldn't have to go back to barista work again, which was good seeing as the old place she worked had fired her after one missed shift while Trance had her captured. Kidnapping and quite possibly some residual guilt was definitely a very bizarre start to a working friendship, but it was a very bizarre world they lived in, after all.

This tiny little room though, was a reprieve from all of that. Their smallish bed took up one half of the closed balcony, and there was a little dining table on the other half where Jet would set up his laptop and Hope her tablet or sketchbook so they could work. There were a few plants in the window boxes that she was pretty sure Phi or Silas must be watering because neither of them ever remembered to, some fake candles for when it got dark. Most importantly, windows all around so they could look over the large town, untouched by all the horrors packed into it. Jet and Hope's little private universe, their own little bubble.

But... maybe the balcony itself wasn't really the bubble anymore. Because when Jet twirled Hope around at a rave after she'd picked out the slightly less dangerous highs for them both, it was still there. And when they sat in the middle of the floor of the living room and Hope taught Jet card games while he tried his utmost hardest to focus on them, it was still there. When he showed them computer stuff. When they showed him how to cook. When they did all the things they both already liked, like game or watch stupid videos that made them snort with laughter or sit there devouring snacks and energy drinks or have copious amounts of noisy sex or just lay there together talking.

Balcony or not, it was always there.

"You could sleep now." Jet suggested. "I'm a little tired too after..." he giggled. "Y'know." Hope laughed slightly too.

"I said I was going to ride you until I broke either you or the bed, and the bed survived." they teased with a little lip-biting smile down at him. He grinned back. "I don't know though, you know how hard I find it to nap..." Jet nodded, then thought for a moment.

"What if I help you..." he suggested, shifting off of them and getting up to close the nearest of the blinds, giving the beautiful view of the city one last smile.

"Oh... Jet, you know you really don't have to-" they begun, already feeling a little disappointment at him not laying on them anymore.

"I know." he replied, moving to the next one and shutting that, too. "I want to!" He gave her an earnest smile and went around closing them all until the light in there wasn't perfectly dark, but a lot dimmer at least. "And I know you need it dark." he pointed out, coming back over to the bed and kneeling beside them. They smiled and reached up, tugging playfully at her crop top he was wearing. He looked so cute in it. "Because it's in your whole... "SNOWED" thing."

"Awww..." they cooed appreciatively. "You remembered..." It was yet another piece of information Jet's infectious talkativeness had led them to finally share with another person.

"It's a good way to remember it." he pointed out with a shrug. "But I guess I'm... going backwards." he realised with a laugh. Empty?"

They smiled again that he remembered. "Well on the one hand I ate a few too many M&Ms..." they replied. "But I don't need to pee so I think I'll be OK."

"Good. Uhhhhh..." Jet thought for a second. "Ooh!" he grabbed the blankets that were crumpled all over the place, and nestled up next to Hope, pulling them over them both. Hope turned to him with a smile and slipped their arms over his shoulders. "Warm! You like to tuck them right up to your neck!" He made sure the covers were tucked around their back, but then looked at the space between them. "Oh... I'm kind of in the way of that, aren't I?" he realised with a nervous giggle, resting a hand at their waist and another at the middle of their chest. Truth was though, Hope had always gripped the blankets that way because it was something to hold close, and the covers held them tight in return. She didn't need it that way right now. She'd much rather this, holding and being held by Jet.

"You keep me plenty warm." they assured him softly. "You are so adorable for even remembering all this shit."

"I kinda made notes on my phone last time you told me." Jet admitted, nuzzling his nose against theirs.

"Jet, you realise that's even more adorable?" they pointed out. They toyed with the longer side of his hair with the fingertips of one hand. "That takes effort." They planted a gentle kiss against his cheek. "Good boy." they praised with a little smile and a wink.

"Hope..." Jet replied, a slight blush spreading across his face even as he grinned, biting at his lip a little.

"OK, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to turn you on." they insisted through a slight laugh. "But you are. The best boy. My boy." Jet blushed harder and came so close he was buried right against her neck, squeezing her tight. They felt his lips move like he was about to say something, but then he didn't, which... for Jet, was very unusual. Worrying, even. There was a slightly awkward pause between them both for a moment.

"So... uh... before Warm, it's Orgasm..." Jet recalled. He looked back up at them and tapped a finger at his lip, feigning innocence. "Diiiiid I manage to take care of that one at all?" he teased.

"You know you did." Hope replied with amusement, but they were blushing just as hard as he'd just been at the question. "Guess it's more like SNO-O-OWED for today, huh?" they asked with a little chuckle, pulling him back up to face them with a finger under his chin.

"The day's not over yet." Jet pointed out playfully, winking at them. He looked down and shifted his vest up and their boxers down a little to trail his finger along their hip. "The N is for naked, right?"

"Are you... sure you're trying to get me to sleep?" Hope asked him just a little breathily. He slid down their boxers for them and they wiggled them off, then he looked back up, locking eyes with them.

"Sorry, you know it's... hard to keep my hands off you..." he pointed out softly, but there was definitely a hint of arousal in his tone as his hands stroked the outside of their bare thigh.

"And you never need to." they flirt back. "But like hell am I taking your shirt off. You'll just have to deal with the chest being all stretched out." they teased.

"I can live with that." he said with a smirk back. "You... like wearing it that much?" They nodded.

"Here's the way I see it." they explained with a shy smile, reaching out to fiddle with the hemline of her top on him. "When I can smell you on me, that's like... having a part of you with me whenever, right?"

"Aww!" he replied happily. "I love that!"

"But..." they continued, not finished. "I also have all of you right here." They put their palm to his chest and rubbed in a gentle circle, then looked to the side thoughtfully. "Sooo... this way, I get like... 120% Jet." they finished, smiling back at him. They honestly couldn't believe how lucky they were to have him. He swallowed, looking at her, but his eyes were so wide and shiny he looked like he was about to cry. "You OK, baby?"

"I'm... usually too much for people..." he said in a surprisingly soft, earnest tone, still looking like he might cry despite the smile breaking on his face. "You... want more of me?"

"Of course!" she assured, shifting their arms to embrace him tightly and pressing their forehead to his. "Always." Over the years, they'd become so nervous to admit how much they liked people, even with they were in a relationship with them; it only got them hurt. Being with Jet had undone some of that damage and in turn, let them be more honest with their affection for him. They planted a gentle kiss against his lips. He let out a happy sigh.

"I uh... I forgot what S is for." he admitted, looking rather caught up in her. "I always forget that one."

Hope laughed slightly. "I'm not surprised." they replied with a hint of teasing in their tone. "It's... silence." they said casually, then they realised how it might sound they began to backpedal. "Or... just quiet really." they added hastily. "Silence is really overselling it I mean I don't exactly need-"

"Oh god..." Jet interrupted, realising why she was being awkward about bringing it up. "Do I stop you sleeping?"

"What? No!" they insisted. "It's never been like that Jet, I swear, when I do stay up talking to you it's just because I don't want to stop!"

"But... but would you sleep better without me...?" he asked, looking at them anxiously.

"No." they reiterated. "Please, baby, I sleep better with you than I ever have!" they begged honestly. They rubbed their forehead against his slightly to get him to look them in the eyes. Those beautiful grey eyes that had captivated them from the first time they met him. He glanced back at them, but he still looked a little worried. "Look... I've been rewriting the universe for six fucking years." they reminded him. He really did know everything about them now, even that. "Soon as I've got a little rest, I'm rewriting SNOWED altogether." They smirked a little. "Preferably to something with at least two "O"s and a "J"." they joked to try and lighten the mood.

"Y-you don't have to do that." Jet replied, unusually flustered. "I can try to... be a little quieter."

"No, Jet, I mean it." they said firmly. "Look, I still like quiet." they admitted, giving him a genuine smile. Just looking at him made their heart flutter sometimes. "But... I like you like... a million times more."

"Hope..." Jet breathed, eyes wide as he looked at her, a slightly dopey smile spreading across his face. "I... I like you a lot too..." There was a hint of worry though. Something he was holding back, just like a few minutes ago.

"Jet?" they asked with slight concern. "What's... what's wrong?" He looked at them and bit at his lip, fidgeting a little. Whatever he wanted to say, he was struggling to hold it back. What made them worry so much was that Jet didn't hold stuff back. He just seemed to say almost everything. Unless... unless it was hurtful? Oh god... did he want to break up with them? "Baby... you're... worrying me..." they admitted, chewing at their lip.

They were pretty damn self-aware of course, they knew it was clingy as hell to worry this much about someone you'd been with for a matter of weeks ending things with you. But Jet was so special to them, he wasn't like anyone else. All those things that made them worry about falling for him, they'd been entirely correct, but as time went on, they only found more and more reasons to like him. One reason glared out amongst all the rest though. Something they only very recently realised they'd not experienced in any of their relationships.

He didn't hurt them.

"...OK." Jet said in an unusually quiet breath. "So... uh... I know you thought I moved too fast with Theo and I guess... I guess I did." he explained. "But the past few weeks I've never felt so... so safe, so wanted, so cared for, so... happy, and..." They breathed a sigh of relief. He was holding back nice things. His hands reached under the blanket, seeking theirs out. They found both of his and took them, the two fiddling with each other's fingertips, obviously both still nervous. "Don't freak out, please. But... I think I... love you, Hope."

Their breath caught in their throat and they squeezed his hands tight. "Jet..." they said, a slight laugh in their tone because they were so damn relieved, their heart beating so rapidly they felt like it was about to explode. "I love you too!"

"Oh my God!" Jet breathed excitedly. "Yeeeeessss!" It was the absolute sweetest; a huge grin spread across Hope's face. "Sorry." he replied with a giggle. "I just didn't think..." He closed his eyes and smiled, biting down on his lip and wiggling from excitement. He opened his eyes back up and pulled them to him and kissed them, and they kissed back, both soft but very enthusiastic.

They wrapped their arms tightly around his neck while he brought his up to their back. She loved him so damn much, she never wanted to let him go. He wasn't perfect, neither were they. But their imperfections balanced each other out pretty damn well. They were panting a little when they pulled away, a hint of a blush on both their faces. "Probably shouldn't... go too far with this right now, right?" he asked with a breathless chuckle. "Not if you're tired."

"I mean..." Hope said, the very mention of the word tired causing them to betray themself with a yawn through the rest of the sentence. "I wouldn't mind..." Apparently it was infectious as Jet yawned back. He looked severely tempted, but managed to hold back for once.

"I can... calm down." he assured. "Get some sleep, babe." he tilted their head down to plant a kiss to their forehead. "Rewriting the universe is a really important job!" he added with a giggle.

"I'm really, really hoping I've retired from that." she said with a grimace. Six years was quite enough for one lifetime. "But... I think I've rewritten the acronym already."

"What?" Jet replied with a giggle. "That was so fast! What is it?"

"OK... it might be stupid but... YODEL." they explained. "Most importantly, You." they began. Jet smiled hard, but listened to the rest. "Orgasm, Dark, Empty, they're all the same. But the L can be..." They blushed a little, not used to actually talking about this yet though they'd been pretty sure for a while now.

"Loud?" he replied with a chuckle, reaching for their hand and interlinking his with it, bringing the two up between them. They shook their head.

"Loved." they confirmed with a soft smile.

"Oh!" Jet replied, smiling back. "Yeah." he nodded. "So, so much!"

"I mean... I guess that kinda comes with the whole... you part." they mused. "But I don't think yode is a word."

"Maybe not..." Jet agreed, running a hand onto their hair with a smile, then suddenly lighting up. "Ooh, how about lullaby?!" he asked. "I... can't really do silent... but... I can always sing for you!"

"Aww, I'd love that." Hope replied. He really was the sweetest. Jet wriggled onto his back, pulling her in against his shoulder, hand still in their hair.  They pulled the covers up, placed a hand on his chest and wrapped a leg across his thigh contentedly as he began to sing to them, surprisingly quiet at first.

"When the lights go out..." he began. "Will you take me with you..."  She knew he wasn't the most confident about his singing voice. But he could hold a tune, and it really was the perfect volume to fall asleep to. "And carry all this broken bone,"

"MCR?" they reply, nuzzling into his neck a little more and closing their eyes. "You spoil me, love."

Jet smiled into her hair as he continued. "Through six years down in crowded rooms, And highways I call home..."  Huh. It really was six years. Six years since the start of college, six years since she'd first started cycling through endless entrapment, neglect, torture, death. Through all those things Jet would never subject her to. All the things she really hoped they were both finally away from. It certainly didn't end on a balcony. In fact, she was pretty sure this was just the beginning.

"It's something I can't know 'til now..." His voice was so cute. It was a little scratchy at times, but to Hope, it was the sweetest. The weird thing was that a month ago, Hope had been so sure of who they were; sure enough to fix a whole handful of deaths on minutes of sleep. Right now though, they were feeling out of touch with that. Almost like they were a whole different person.

In fact, things were so nice, and normal, and overall going so well, that they were almost ready to admit they might be...

Ebony, again.

"'Til you pick me off the ground," Jet continued as hebegan scrunching his hand in their hair gently. The same way this had all began in a way, all that time ago back in Theo's apartment. "With a brick in hand, your lip-gloss smile, your scraped-up knees, and..."

As he hit the chorus, Hope couldn't help but join in. "If you stay, I would even wait all night," they both sang, giggling slightly. "Or until my heart explodes, How long... until we..." Jet stopped and began nuzzling into Hope's hair, listening for a moment. He seemed to really like when they sang. "...Find our way, In the dark and out of harm?"  they continued, opening their eyes back up despite their tiredness and lifting their head to catch his beautiful grey ones. They smiled at each other, and finished the chorus together.

"You can run away with me, Anytime you want."

End note: It's Halloween, so why not finish with the most horrifying thing of all?

Fluff. 😈

Thank you again Captain for being so gracious with your murder boys and letting me blend our worlds together. I promise to give Jet back tomorrow. Love you mate. 🫡

[ad1thi]

2020 fic recs!! [Part 1]

this idea was stolen from @iam93percentstardust cuz i just,,,thought that this year was absolute shit and it would be nice to make a fic rec list of fics from this year that helped me through it. this will be over a range of fandoms and ships, but all fics were written this year. 

fics are ordered by the month they were published. ive tried to keep to five fics per month, but this is not obviously all the fics ive read that month - i just didn’t want to make this insanely long. 

im releasing the first half of this on the 1st of December, and the second half on the 1st of January 2021 - because otherwise it would just get so long (and also so i will actually have fics for December)

happy reading!! hopefully you find fics on this you haven’t read yet

***

January

The cat is mighty dignified (until the dog comes by): @five-wow

Steve and Danny find them on the pillow in the corner of the dining area, where Eddie is on his side, ass half on the floor because the pillow is more cat-sized than lab-sized, and Pickles is nestled between Eddie’s front legs, essentially being spooned and looking very I-got-the-cream about it. Pickles’ head is tucked into the crook of Eddie’s neck and Eddie’s head slots perfectly on top of Mr. Pickles’, like a furry jigsaw puzzle.

“They’re cuddling,” Steve points out, unnecessarily.

Or: There is a love story unfolding under the McGarrett roof.

Captain ‘Socialist Rage Muffin’ America: @baffledkingcomposinghallelujah

It takes three months of dating Steve Rogers for Tony to understand why Aunt Peggy once shot at him in sheer frustration.

Alternately titled, Honey, I committed treason again.

The Best Laid Plans (Of Mice and Men): @arboreal-elm-ash-oak

His Dark Materials AU

It was Annalise who noticed their small visitor first.

“Tony,” the spider daemon said softly, skittering up the collar of his dress shirt, two of her eight legs resting delicately against his cheek, “Don’t startle them, but I believe we have a guest. Look, by the coffee table.”

Fourteen Million to One: @tunastorks

Six months after Thanos, six months after Tony’s death, six months after Steve returns to his own timeline, Tony Stark turns up on their doorstep.

Brewed Awakening: @iam93percentstardust

Two years after he comes out of the ice, Steve is drifting through life. On his teammate's recommendation, he decides to go back to school where he meets the grandson of an old friend. He finds happiness with Tony but Steve won't be in Boston forever and someone is out to hurt the Starks. Will Steve and Tony be able to reach their happily ever after?

February

the young, the reckless and the foolish: @bruciewayne

In most universes, they don't know each other, not in the slightest, or they hate each other, in a way that's perfectly logical for anyone who were to find themselves in a similar situation.

In this one, they've known each other since they were four years old and naively idealistic.

This is them over the years, against the odds.

a giant sign: @areiton

“Think you can get him to open the weapons division up again?” his CO asks, his voice hungry and Rhodey laughs because this--

“No. Tony hung up his weapons.”

“That’s not what the suit says,” his CO objects, and Rhodey shrugs.

Tony has always had rules, rules he expects the entire world to live by.

And then there was Rhodey, slipping under them.

my heart is driftwood, floating down your coast: @nethandrake

Tonight, there’s a stranger in his backseat. That’s not unusual.

He’s also sad. That’s not unusual either.

What is unusual is that the stranger is silent.

(One night, a stranger enters Steve's taxi. Nothing is the same again.)

Just A Cold: @/delighted 

There’s a new text waiting for him. It’s from Steve of course, and it’s vaguely threatening as most messages from Steve are these days. Still Danny ignores it, and now he’s really playing with fire. Maybe it’ll burn the cold out of him.

Or, Danny’s sick, and Steve can’t stay away. The usual comfort fluff. With a little cameo from a gently meddling Grace.

An Unexpected Guide: @/Rachel500

Danny Williams has hidden his Guide status to keep being a detective, but his time of hiding is up when he unexpectedly finds his Sentinel, Steve McGarrett in the midst of a tragedy.

March

Why don’t we (Collide the spaces that divide us): @five-wow

When they finally catch sight of each other again through the milling crowds, they’re both a little worse for wear. Danny’s left side is covered in glitter and every time he brushes a hand over his hair, more blue and purple confetti rains down. Steve is- Well, Steve is randomly shirtless, which is all things considered not excessively remarkable, but he’s also covered in smudges of colorful paint and has a very nicely printed bloodred lipstick kiss mark on his cheek.

“What did you do?” Danny asks, because it looks like Steve had a lot more fun than he did.

Or: Steve and Danny accidentally end up in the middle of something entirely new.

A Little Unsteady: @finduilasclln 

Written for the Tumblr prompt meme : "Hey! I was gonna eat that!"

Tony lashes out at Bucky for eating his dessert. Only, it really isn't about the dessert.

a national treasure: @starklysteve

Steve isn't looking for an apple and Tony decides his passion is to inspire young souls. -x- OR: the AU where Tony is a Youtuber and Steve is Captain America and somehow they still save the world together.

April

cycle through: @ambivalentmarvel

Twenty-five years ago, Tony Stark disappeared from his family home a month after the tragic deaths of his parents, Howard and Maria Stark, leaving a billion-dollar tech conglomerate without an heir and the world wondering what happened.

Twenty-three years ago, HYDRA gained another super soldier.

Ten years ago, Peter Parker’s parents died in what is ruled as a home invasion gone wrong but he knows was murder, plain and simple, because he spoke to the killer.

And in the present, Project Insight fails, and the Iron Soldier pays the price.

FOREVER-LOVE YOU-I: @/Eudoxia

Tony Stark is twenty-one when he loses his voice. It shouldn't matter, but in a world where the first words your Soulmate says to you are marked on your skin, it can be pretty damn annoying.

Especially for Tony's soulmate.

--

Companion piece to my fic Thumb, Index, and Pinky Extended. This is Steve's POV, with a few extra scenes, as a treat.

(Edit: Sorry if you guys get multiple notifications for this. I just realized (about two hours after posting it) that I fucked up the grammar in the title and I HAD to fix it. YOLO, I guess.)

come build a home out of me: @maguna-stxrk

Steve clears his throat.

“What if I went with you?” he asks nonchalantly, like his heart isn’t threatening to beat out of his ribcage.

Tony blinks a few times, looking at Steve, his mouth ajar. “As a— As my date?”

“Yeah.” Steve nods, feeling a little breathless.

“You don’t mind?” Tony furrows his eyebrows.

“I don’t. In fact, you can just tell them I’m your boyfriend. I’m sure they’ll back off, wouldn’t they?”

What.

“I— Huh?” Tony stares at him, brown eyes blown wide open.

What. What. What.

“Huh? Uh, I mean— You know, that way people will see that you have definitely moved on. Monica will see that you have moved on. Right?” Steve smiles, hoping that it masks his inner panic, because what?

Steve Rogers, what have you done?

i don’t have a choice (but i’d still choose you): @nethandrake

There’s a name inked onto his chest, a name written in an all-too familiar scrawl. And it’s— It’s—

Steve doesn’t realize his body is quaking until he’s tracing the tattoo with a shaky finger.

Because of course that is the name etched into the skin. Like a brand, a reminder for everything he has done. An appropriate retribution.

Anthony Edward Stark.

(When Thanos snaps half of the universe away, he unknowingly leaves the other half with soulmarks.)

ua haʻalele ʻoe iaʻu (a ua hoʻomālamalama ʻoe iaʻu): @just-fandomthings

"The truth is, I was shot in the chest and nearly died, and not even three days after I was released from the hospital, you up and left-- and of those two, I'm not sure which one hurt me worse!"

(Coda to 10x22 because come on, we all need a better ending than the one given to us.)

Title loosely translates to: "You left me in the dark (you lit me up)" -- inspired by the brilliant song "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur

May

A Piece Of The Past: @hddnone

It had been so many years since Bucky had gone undercover in the Stark family's mob, he thought he'd gotten away clean.

Then Tony Stark slid into the seat across from him at his breakfast diner, and Bucky's boss has a new case for him.

the privilege of loving you: @starklysteve

“Why won’t you let me touch you?”

It’s a desperate plea, half-shouted and half-whispered, Steve’s voice cracking at the end. Tony stops in his tracks, halfway to the stairs. He doesn’t dare to turn back, and he really doesn’t want to fight, or to leave, to spend the last month of his life away from his husband and their son. But Steve can’t know, can he?

-x-

Or: Tony has palladium poisoning, but he doesn't tell Steve and Peter

your pillow feels so soft now (but still you must advance): @firebrands

When Bruce is 13, he decides to go to boarding school. It's an opportunity for him to learn about other people, and how to interact with them.

Bruce has the misfortune of meeting Tony Stark upon his arrival in Roxbury. Bruce is moving into his room, and Tony opens the door of his room to watch. He looks a bit younger than Bruce, hair wild and eyes bright. Bruce has never seen a boy like him before—handsome and confident.

Bruce doesn’t like it.

IMPORTANT: This fic has them meeting at 14, then progresses slowly until they’re 17. Includes underage drinking and kissing.

This is set before Bruce becomes Batman and Tony becomes Iron Man and I have no explanation as to how or why they just DO Canonically, Bruce is 17 when he finishes school and goes around the world to train, so we're sticking with that

The Real MVP: @sword-and-stars (part of a series)

[“I have saved this Tuesday!” Sokka announces, rattling the bag upon reentry.

Zuko doesn’t even look up from his phone as he deadpans, “It’s Thursday.”

Okay, so Sokka is still having trouble getting his days right without checking. At least he’s gone back to sleeping at night! Going to bed at night is way easier when you have a cute, cuddly boyfriend who starts falling asleep around eleven o’clock. It also helps that he and Zuko are on solid gold butt-touching terms.

It’s been a while since Sokka has been on butt-touching terms with someone and it’s amazing.]

Or,

Sokka knows a guy, gets laid, and introduces Zuko to the merits of an afternoon delight.

When is a bed not a bed? (When you’re not in it): @riotwritesthings

There’s a tiny safe house, with one tiny window and one tiny couch.

And one tiny little bed.

June

Nice Fingers: @anthonyed

A single compliment given by Tony stirs Bucky restless until he caves in and asks him out on a date.

With Steve’s help of course (whether he likes it or not).

The Darkest Touch: @starkrogerrs

This is the story of how Steve finds that it has been ordained that he is to marry a monster he cannot resist aka the God of Love himself, Tony.

It's Cupid x Psyche retold, but with thrice the amount of porn.

The Night Shift:  @weethreequarter

Welcome to the Emergency Department of San Antonio General where Dr. Tony Stark joins the team fresh from his most recent tour in Afghanistan and - much to the consternation of the other staff - strikes up an instant rapport with Nurse Steve Rogers. Meanwhile, new resident Bruce Banner refuses to give up on his patient, and Dr. Sharon Carter learns something from her own patients. Throw in a pissed off hospital administrator, Clint using the coffee pot as a mug again, and a major car crash and you have, well, just another night shift.

Wind Beneath My Wings: @iam93percentstardust

Sam first meets Tony Stark in 2005 when he joins the EXO-7 Falcon program.

In jest: @/apathyinreverie

“No, babe,” Danny shakes his head with a grin. “If the apocalypse were to go down while I’m elsewhere for some godforsaken reason, then you stay put and I’m coming to wherever you are.” His grin widens. “And I expect you to have cleared any aliens or zombies or whatever else might be messing with us off the island and to have set up a nice, comfortable military dictatorship for us to rule over by the time I get back.”

It’s a joke.

Of course it’s a joke.

Until it isn’t.

(A the-day-after-tomorrow-style apocalypse AU, where the world decides to end right when Danny is visiting one of the other islands with Grace. Because, of course, it does.)

[patriciasage]

promises, promises

Author: Patricia_Sage

Fandom: The Adventure Zone - Balance

Summary: 

Taako made two promises to his sister early on in this seemingly endless mission. Firstly, he isn’t allowed to intentionally cut a cycle short, no matter how much time is left, no matter how much he misses her. Secondly, if she’s gone, he has to take care of Barry.

He isn’t sure what his sister was thinking with the second one. ‘Taako’ and ‘take care of’ are not words that naturally go together for anyone other than Lup. He loves the entire crew, of course he does, but he would rather kill for them than comfort them.

This is the first cycle where Lup is dead and neither Taako nor Barry had gone with her.

posted in full under the break but you can find me on AO3!!

There are two months left in the cycle and Lup is gone. She, Merle, and Davenport were poisoned during a political meeting.

Taako hadn’t been hungry that day. He wishes he would have taken a drink. Magnus hates when he says it, but he prefers to die by her side than live without her. And death would have been much more preferable to watching her choke and spasm in front of him. Helpless.

Lucretia has a lot on her plate now, attempting to negotiate with the bastards who killed them. There was death on both sides, since Taako literally burned the place to the ground. It seems as though they’re on the verge of war – the four remaining crewmembers versus this country’s royal armies.

Taako doesn’t give a shit.

“What’s the fucking point?” he asks Lucretia when she made plans to meet with the royal representative. “This cycle’s gone to Hell; let’s just go.”

“We have two months left,” Lucretia says. “We have a chance to work through this and get the Light. Then they didn’t die in vain.” Her voice cracks. Taako attempts to be gentle with his friend, even though rage flows through him like a roaring stream.

But quiet vitriol escapes his mouth. “Are they even worth saving?”

Lucretia looks at him with bright, brown eyes. “Taako.”

“They killed Merle and Davenport and Lup! And they should have killed me too. And we’re still going to bend over backwards in order to save them? They obviously wouldn’t do the same for us.”

“That’s not how this works,” Lucretia says, quiet and stern. “We don’t decide who is worth saving or not.” She places her dark hand on Taako’s shoulder. “I know you’re hurting, T. And I won’t make you be a part of this. But I’m going to try and get the Light of Creation. And you’re going to make it through these next few months to see her again.”

Taako could see her again right now if he wanted to. But he doesn’t say that. And he doesn’t let himself truly entertain the thought. He promised.

Everyone on the ship is grieving in their own way. Barry becomes entirely reclusive, locking himself in his lab. Magnus cries a lot over the first few days and blames himself for not being at the meeting to protect them, but then he focuses his energy into learning to pilot the Starblaster. Taako attempts to distract his mind from the grief that sits deep in his bones.

Knowing their deaths are temporary doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Magnus makes it his personal mission to take care of Taako, which is very annoying but also helps with his plan for distraction. He sits next to the Magnus as the fighter test-drives the ship. It’s hard to think about your dead sister when your friend is crashing a spaceship into a lake.

But Magnus isn’t only recklessness and aggressive enthusiasm. He’s also soft and sensitive – and fucking manipulative. He tells Taako he needs a hug or someone to keep him company when he sleeps. Taako knows these are partial lies. He knows that Magnus just wants to hold his pieces together, to shield Taako from the nightmares that tear him apart.

Taako travels through the days like molasses. He wants to exist in the bare minimum, avoid the smouldering flame threatening to burn him up. But it’s hard to exist, unfeeling, in a world where he’s always had her at his side. He can’t do anything without thinking of her.

He drinks too much.

It helps a little, but it causes Magnus to make that sad, helpless expression, so Taako hides it as best he can.

He made two promises to his sister early on in this seemingly endless mission. Firstly, he isn’t allowed to intentionally cut a cycle short, no matter how much time is left, no matter how much he misses her. Secondly, if she’s gone, he has to take care of Barry.

Taako isn’t sure what his sister was thinking with the second one. ‘Taako’ and ‘take care of’ are not words that naturally go together for anyone other than Lup. He loves the entire crew, of course he does, but he would rather kill for them than comfort them.

This is the first cycle where Lup is dead and neither Taako nor Barry had gone with her.

Food is always an effective way to build a bridge between two stubborn souls. Taako steps foot into the Starblaster’s kitchen for the first time since the disaster a few weeks ago. Lucretia is a passable cook, so the remaining crew haven’t been suffering too much, but her meals are nothing compared to the twins’ concoctions.

Absolutely everything on this ship reminds Taako of his sister (pretty much every aspect of existence reminds him of his sister), but the kitchen is particularly salient. He stands in the doorway and breathes through it, thankful that no one is around. Lup is the only one who knows him at his core, the only one who’s ever seen his soft, fragile centre. Magnus has been digging closer and closer every cycle with his big hands and even bigger smile. But there’s no one Taako trusts like he trusts Lup.

And she’s gone.

And he made her a promise.

There are so many lakes on this world. Taako had spent most of springtime fishing and filleting, so the freezer is full. He takes out a few cuts of cod, expertly deboned, as well as some salt, pepper, lemon, chili powder, and dill. He starts the rice boiling and thaws the fish with a flick of his wand. The meat hasn’t been frying for too long before Magnus and Lucretia appear at the kitchen table, summoned by the smell. They’re looking at him with an irritating mixture of encouragement and wariness. He ignores them and focuses on cooking. He’s mentally batting away memories and feelings constantly and it’s starting to take a toll.

The kitchen is silent except for the sizzle of fish in the pan and the soft murmur of boiling rice. Taako transmutes some beans into asparagus and tosses that in the pan as well.

“Fucking talk,” he says to the stove.

Magnus startles into conversation. Taako feels his friends’ gazes move away from his back and toward each other. He focuses on their chat even though it’s boring. It’s easier than fighting his heart’s insistent ache.

He avoids looking at their faces while he places their meals in front of them. “Thank you,” Lucretia says softly. Magnus places a big, warm hand on the wizard’s shoulder.

Taako feels his mouth press into a shadow of a smile. He squeezes Magnus’s hand and steps away. “Dig in. I’m gonna bring some to the lab rat.”

Barry is asleep at his desk, drooling on a sketch of one of his prototypes. Taako sets the plate down next to him and watches the smell wake him up. His glasses are askew even when he lifts his head.

There’s an awful moment when he looks at Taako and his face softly lights up. Taako’s stomach sinks, and then Barry comes fully into awareness and looks away. Taako regrets shaving his face his morning and he regrets wearing his hair up the way Lup usually does before bed. He doesn’t blame Barry for the disappointment.

“This is good shit, so you’d better not let it get cold,” Taako says. He leans against the workbench with his arms crossed.

“Smells good,” Barry replies with his characteristic, gruff awkwardness. Taako tries not to fidget. The chill of Lup’s absence is strongest in the kitchen, but it’s swirling around the lab, too. It’s typical to see Lup sprawled on the couch pretty much every evening, chattering while Barry tries and fails to focus on his work.

Barry puts a forkful of rice in his mouth and speaks around it. Gross. “Did you eat already?”

Taako is absentmindedly surprised when he realizes he hasn’t eaten anything except a bite of toast that Magnus practically shoved in his mouth this morning. He curses himself for thinking about it too long and ruining what could have been a perfectly good lie. “Yep, sure did.”

“Taako…” Barry says disapprovingly, lowering his fork.

“Get outta my ass, Barry. I’m, like, a hundred years old, or something.” Age doesn’t mean much to them, anymore. “Don’t treat me like a child.”

“I’m not treating you like a child. I’m treating you like – ” He sighs. “Do you have some left over upstairs?”

“Yeah,” Taako lies. He walks toward the door. “Gonna go eat now, so…enjoy, or whatever.”

Barry rubs his eyes under his glasses. “Thanks, Taako.”

“Shit,” Taako mutters as he climbs the stairs. Why didn’t Lup tell Magnus or Lucretia to take care of Barry? Hell, anyone would do a better job than him.

Taako enters the now empty kitchen and casts Prestidigitation to clean the dishes, but he stops before he can leave for the upper deck. There’s a full plate of food on the table. It’s obvious that Magnus and Lucretia had each put half of their meal onto a clean plate. They’re taking advantage of his inability to throw away food, engrained from his childhood. Taako sighs but sits at the table to eat. He feels more solid when he’s done, but just as empty.

The next day is better.

“Come for a walk,” Taako demands from Barry’s bedroom doorway. Barry yelps and covers his chest with a blanket.

“Taako!”

“Come for a walk!” the elf repeats, leaving the door ajar as he leaves.

Barry joins him on the Starblaster’s lower deck in a few minutes, hair messy but fully clothed. “Where are we going?”

Before Taako has a chance to respond, Magnus rushes in. “Don’t forget your cloak – it’s kinda cold. Oh, hey, Barry. You coming with us?”

“I guess I am.”

“Great!”

Magnus hands Barry his denim jacket and throws Taako’s thicker cloak in his direction. The security officer himself is wearing a wool-lined vest with no sleeves. Taako resists the urge to roll his eyes when he notices.

The men don’t talk a lot as they traverse the path that Magnus and Taako have worn down over the last few weeks. They skip rocks on the surface of the still water. Barry stays far away from the water’s edge. Magnus picks Taako up and pretends he’s about to throw him in. Instead of protesting, Taako looks the man in the eyes with a challenge. “Do it. I fucking dare you, Burnsides.” Magnus freezes and just stands there holding the elf in his arms for a moment. Taako smirks. “That’s what I thought.”

Barry disappears into his lab when they return to the ship, but Taako still considers it a success. After a few days, Barry no longer needs to be woken up; he joins them in the foyer, sleepy but ready, every morning. Lucretia comes, too, when she’s not out negotiating.

Taako cooks when he can.

Sometimes he’s good. Sometimes the air of the kitchen suffocates him. Barry sees him once, standing in the pantry, frozen and overwhelmed. “Hey,” he says. There’s something soft and complex in his expression when Taako whirls around.

“What’s up, my man?” Taako’s voice breaks more than usual. The stiffness of his hands betrays him, too. Barry beckons him out of the pantry. Taako follows quietly as the scientist travels to the Starblaster’s upper deck.

The endless night sky is strangely comforting. There aren’t many constants in their life besides each other, their target, and their enemy. But the sky is always there and ready to take them away.

Barry opens a hatch near the centre of the deck and brings out what looks like a piece from a broken chair. “Ready?” he asks.

“What?”

Barry just nods and then throws the item high into the air. Taako understands when it reaches his highest peak, but he can’t bring himself to take out his wand. The piece of wood falls into a nearby like with a soft splash.

“Oh, sorry,” Barry says awkwardly. “You’re supposed to hit it with a spell –”

“I know what I’m supposed to do, Barry. I’ve lived with her my whole life,” Taako snaps. He takes a breath and tries again. “Look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, man. But that’s her. She feels things build up inside and needs to let ‘em out in a way she can control. But I- …I’m not full of anything.” He turns to leave. “So, thanks, dude, but this isn’t gonna work for me.”

Barry grabs his wrist. “Taako, wait!” He looks a little helpless. “Then what does work for you? Tell me.”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on.” Barry attempts a smile but he’s shivering a little in the night air. “Like you said to me the other day – you’re over a hundred years old. You know. So, tell me what makes you feel better when you feel like shit so I can help you out.”

“I don’t want your fucking help, Barry.”

“Well, that’s too damn bad!” Barry rarely raises his voice. It echoes across the empty deck and is swallowed by the night sky. “Tell me, Taako.”

He knows the answer will hurt both of them when it leaves his mouth, but he says it anyway. “Being with her.” Barry averts his gaze and Taako feels both sick and triumphant. “Just…being in her company makes me feel like a person again. So. Unless you can do that for me, I think we’re done here.”

Taako stands outside Magnus’s bedroom door for a few minutes. He raises his hand to knock then lowers it again. He spends the night on a nearby dock, listening to the waves lap against the shore and slowly emptying a bottle of rum.

The next morning, they pretend it didn’t happen. They go for their morning walk and let Magnus carry the conversation.

Lucretia gets the Light of Creation against all odds – and just in time. There’s only about two days left in this Cycle. Taako makes her favourite dish, piri piri chicken, and they allow themselves to celebrate with wine and music. It never feels completely right to celebrate, knowing the Hunger is still going to cause a lot of damage, but they need to allow themselves these small successes. The men also feel the need to show appreciation to Lucretia, since she worked tirelessly to save this world while they went for walks and crashed the ship into lakes.

Magnus is dancing with Lucretia in the kitchen and Taako makes a quick exit before the big man can trap him in another embrace. He finds Barry on the couch, lost in thought. He sits down beside him, touching their wine glasses together in a small toast. “We made it,” the wizard says before taking another drink.

“Yeah,” Barry says. They’re both thinking the same thing. They’ll see her again soon.

Barry turns to face him. “Listen, Taako, I’m sorry I was so pushy the other night.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s just…” Barry sighs. “I promised her I’d take care of you and I –”

“What?” Taako interrupts. They look at each other, incredulous and inquiring. “She made me promise to take care of you, dude.”

Barry smiles and laughs. Taako fumes. As if Barry Bluejeans could take care of him – what was she thinking? “We both did kind of a shit job, didn’t we?” Barry says.

“Hey, without me you would’ve starved to death.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

A few days later, Magnus flies the Starblaster through the Hunger’s advancing tendrils, their bodies fragment, and the entire crew materializes in their set places. Before Lup can even take a breath, Taako shoves her hard. “What the fuck?” she sputters. He silences her with a hug.

The IPRE crew puts the past behind them and they settle into a new life on a new world. Barry and Lup go back to their routine of being attached at the hip and stubbornly not talking about their feelings. Lup and Taako cook and practice magic together. Barry and Taako aren’t close, per se, but they tolerate each other in a new, honest and kind way.

It’s worth it to see the smile on Lup’s face.

[downwiththeficness]

In the Bond-Chapter 2

Summary: Lilah often wished she’d never said yes to working with the Gecko brothers—usually while dodging gunfire. At no time was she regretting that decision more than when she’s hanging upside down from the ceiling, staring down a group of hungry culebras and one (1) extremely powerful sun god.

Word Count: ~2,300

Warnings: None

A/N: This is an AU of my Story In the Blood, which can be read here. Basically, this fic explores what would have happened if Lilah had met up with Geckos before she met Brasa.

Taglist: @symbiont13

Start from the beginning   Next Chapter   Read on AO3   Masterlist

Lilah slid into a chair and regarded the lovers. Kate was sitting in Richie’s lap, rolling her eyes as he pressed intermittent kisses on her cheeks and neck. She’d grown used to their easy affection since the brothers had saved Kate from Amaru. For the first few days, Richie had hardly let go of Kate’s hand, would go where she went, snarling at anyone who came a little too close. Even now, he didn’t go very long without touching her, no matter the situation—a hand on her thigh, a the small of her back, toying with her hair. Kate seemed to take it all in stride, a soft smile that somehow made her look impossibly young.

It was Kate’s eyes that Lilah noticed first when she’d stepped through the doors of Jackknife Jed’s.  They flashed with gloom, aging her in a way that in no way reflected in her actual face. Looking at her made Lilah feel so disjointed that she still struggled to hold the younger woman’s gaze. Still, despite the unease, Lilah liked Kate. She certainly made dealing with the ever-arguing brothers just a little bit easier. Lilah couldn’t so easily be out-voted any more, and that was worth the disquiet she sometimes felt in Kate’s presence.

The door to the office flung open, Seth barreling through with no regard for how it hit the shelf behind it, a few of Richie’s knickknacks shaking in their stands. He was wiping sweat from his brow, his ever present frown just a little deeper than normal. Lilah’s eyes narrowed as she watched him come closer.

“Hey, watch the merchandise,” Richie called out, one hand lifting from around Kate’s middle to gesture broadly at the memorabilia.

Fandom was the one thing that Lilah and Richie really agreed on. They’d spent a lot of time on stake outs talking Star Trek, and then Firefly, followed by a whole host of niche geeky topics. He was surprisingly insightful about the little details that made each show unique. And, Lilah had spent a lot of time in hotels watching old B horror movies to be able to hold her own when he went down a rabbit hole.  It made the fact that she disagreed with him about the tenants of Jedi life acceptable, in his mind.

“We’ve got bigger problems than Obi Wan’s lightsaber, Richie.”

Seth was definitely in a mood. He might not understand Richie’s interests, and he might roll his eyes when his brother went on a tangent about canon timelines, but he at least respected Richie’s belongings enough that he didn’t intentionally screw around with them. This, whatever it was, was serious. Lilah eyed him narrowly, waiting.

Eyes vaguely betrayed, Richie muttered, “Its Mace Windu.”

Kate patted Richie’s arm lightly, saying, “What’s the problem?”

Rounding his desk, Seth sat heavily. After a deep sigh, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, tossing it on the desk in front of him. It bounced, making a soft ‘shhh’ sound as it slid across the pressed wood of the tabletop.

“We got a message today,” he explained, “And I don’t know what to make of it.”

Lilah leaned forward and plucked it up with two fingers. The paper was a heavy vellum, thick woven. She unfolded it, curious. The ink was a deep red, the lettering thick. As she brought it closer to read, Lilah caught a fragrance that had followed her in the weeks since their last failed mission.

Oh, no.

The letter was meticulously worded. The writing thick and bold, swirling softly around the crosses. Formal. Elegant. Commanding. Brasa.

Lilah read and re-read it, “He’s asking for peace.”

She looked at Seth, brows lifted in surprise. Then, she stood, stepped to Richie’s desk, and handed it to the younger brother. All the while, she tried to keep her face as neutral as possible. Lilah was grateful that Seth never bothered with the overhead lights, that only the lamps on either desk illuminated the room.  Her face was hot, her hands shaking. She didn’t know how to stand so as to draw no attention to herself while she internally panicked.

“He’s playing a game,” Seth said as he opened a drawer in his desk, pulling out a bottle, yanking out the stopper, and drinking straight from it. “Its a trap.”

Richie took a few moments to read the letter before Kate took it from him. She stood and read it, as well. Lilah watched her face, trying to discern her reaction. Kate chewed her thumbnail as her eyes flicked over the page, her brows together. A shadow passed over her expression.

“No,” Kate uttered so low that Lilah almost didn’t hear it, “He’s really asking for peace.”

Lilah didn’t have the time to think about how she might know that, or the implications. Or, how she might feel about those implications.

Seth scoffed, “How the fuck do you know that?”

Setting the letter down on Richie’s desk, Kate shrugged, “I spent a lot of time with him when I was...when she was inside me.” She sniffed, “Even though Amaru thought they were bullshit, he obeys the old laws. This is a formal call for peace talks. He’s written it in his own blood.”

Lilah felt her eyes widen, shocked that Kate could tell whose blood was on the paper. Shocked even further that someone would write a letter in their literal blood. Shocked still further that she cared how he might have procured his own blood in enough supply to write such a letter.

There were a few side effects from Kate’s possession, little quirks that Kate would sometimes display without really thinking. She’d stand up way too fast, know who might walk through the door next, hear conversations from the next room. Lilah did her best to just roll with it, but this was a little bit too freaky for Lilah’s normal ‘roll with it’ sensibilities. She deliberately set it aside, hoping that she wouldn’t need to examine the thought later.

Richie lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke through his nose, “Why now? We’ve spent the last six months fighting and killing each other, and now he wants to talk peace.”

Lilah sat down, folding her hands in her lap as she tried very hard not to think this was about her. She could not be so self-centered as to think that Brasa would give up a war just because she happened to be on the other side. A war he was, by all accounts, winning as the Gecko’s ceded more and more territory to the culebras he seemed to govern.  There had to be another explanation. A trap, maybe, a false sense of security.

“Alright,” Seth drawled, “We get him in a room and gank him.”

Kate gasped, looking horrified, “We have a chance to get real progress, here. Do you want to fight forever?”

Lilah definitely knew the answer to that question. Seth’s entire life was a fight—physical or otherwise. He wasn’t comfortable if there wasn’t some sort of conflict to battle through, his brother at his side. Even if they achieved peace, he’d be at someone’s throat within twenty four hours. It was both endearing and utterly frustrating to watch him cycle through the same motions over and over.

Seth rose, leaning his hands on the desk, “You, more than anyone, have a reason to want every one of those snakes dead.”

Sneering, Kate crossed her arms, “I, more than anyone, have a reason to want all of this to stop. I don’t want to see any more death.”

Behind her, Richie shifted uneasily in his chair. Lilah took each of them in, knowing there was far more history than she was privy to playing out right in front of her. It left her feeling like she couldn’t make a good decision, didn’t have enough data to create a strategy. This was not her preferred method of moving through life. She remained still, waiting.

“We should meet with him,” Kate asserted, hip cocking to the side.

It was not a rare occasion that Kate would insist that they act in a certain way. She had a strong moral compass that clashed with the brothers’ more criminal predilections. More often than not, Kate centered them, kept them from going too far. Lilah was grateful. She had never been successful in stemming off their momentum, once they got started.

“Absolutely not,” Seth shot back, his mouth a firm line.

Lilah surprised herself by adding, “I agree with Seth.”

Richie stubbed out his cigarette, “I’m with Kate.”

This was not surprising. Richie tended to side with Kate on most things. Lilah caught the look he sent Kate, though Kate was still looking at Seth. His eyes were following the line of her petite body, admiring in a way that made Lilah look away, embarrassed.

Seth circled his desk, leaning his hip against it, “Two against two. How’re we going to break the tie?”

There was a beat of silence, then Richie stood and offered up his fist, “Best out of three?”

When Richie beat Seth two to one, Seth gave him a hardy ‘fuck you’ and strode from the room. Richie heaved a beleaguered sigh and followed him. Lilah dropped her head in her hands, boggled by the decision making skills of her partners. Rock, paper scissors...honestly.

“Why don’t you want to meet with them?”

Lilah lifted her eyes at the question, feeling her chest constrict, “I won’t have to do the actual meeting, Kate.” Lie, lie, lie, Lilah, “I just don’t think we’ll be successful.”

Kate tilted her head to the side, “You think its a trap?”

Lilah grabbed onto that line of thinking. It was logical, far more logical than ‘No, Kate. I just don’t want to meet up with someone who claims I am his bondmate and with whom I have exchanged blood’. Even in her head, it sounded so incredibly stupid. Not to mention the fact that she’d been hiding it long enough that admitting it would only lead to suspicion.

“I think Seth is too hot headed,” Lilah clarified quickly, “I think that it’ll fall apart before it even gets started.”

There, that was a convincing lie that was pretty grounded in enough truth that even Lilah half believed it. She very carefully did not study Kate’s face to see if the lie had landed.

Kate moved closer, her ancient gaze peering at Lilah carefully, “You’re right.”

Oh. Okay.

“Thank you.”

“You need to go with them.”

Ah, fuck.

“What?”

Kate nodded, her expression hardening, “You go with them, keep things level, make this work.”

“Me?” Lilah didn’t like how high her voice came out. She cleared her throat, “No, you know them better than I do. You go. Bring me whatever contract they draw up, I’ll red line it, make sure its fair.”

That was her role. Look over the game plan, find the flaws, work out the kinks. In that, Lilah was comfortable and safe. No need to put herself back in a room with Brasa. No need to let this get even more out of hand. No need for the messiness that would come from that.

Shaking her head, Kate took a step back, “I can’t. I can’t face him. What I did to him was,” she searched for words, “terrible.”

The sudden turn of Kate’s tone, the way her face screwed up in real disgust, made Lilah sit up and stake notice. Where had this come from?

She inhaled, trying to parse the words, “What does that mean?”

Kate’s eyes were focused on the middle distance, her mouth quivering, “Amaru loved torture, all kinds of torture. She didn’t care who it was that she hurt. I—she liked,” Another breath, “Brasa was blood bound to her, she could make him do things, do anything. She never got her hands dirty, but him…”

Lilah waited for more, but Kate simply stopped speaking. She looked shell shocked, tears welling up. God, but Lilah had been completely fooled by Kate’s frequent smiles and clear headedness. She hadn’t known how much trauma the hell queen had put Kate through, hadn’t even thought that Kate was conscious of the things that she’d done while trapped inside her own body. Moved to action, she stood and embraced Kate, saying to her the only comfort she could think to give.

“Its the past. And, it wasn’t you.” Then, “Are you still blood bound?”

She felt like real shit for asking, but she needed to know what Brasa’s relationship was with Kate, and if it would make their own relationship (did they even have a relationship?) more complicated. Kate made a soft sound in the negative and Lilah let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. That was one complication she had, thankfully, avoided.

Kate’s body was taut, “When she first brought me back, when I met him, I felt the power I had over him. And, she abused it. I drained him dry that first night, to regain her strength. After three days, when he managed to stand up off the ground, she did it again. Because she could.” Kate pulled back and looked at Lilah, “That wasn’t even the worst of it. How can I look him in the eye after all that?”

Lilah shook her head, “Like I said, it wasn’t you. And, if he really wants to talk peace, he’ll set it aside. If not, fuck ‘im.”

That, at least, was the truth. Lilah had been fighting his kind of less than a year and she was tired of it. She wanted peace. She wanted to go on nice, normal jobs—jewel theft, a bank heist, possibly even some fine art that they could sell on the black market. Stuff that was in her wheelhouse, in her comfort zone. If he was going to hold Kate responsible for the actions of Amaru, then he wasn’t worth negotiating with. Full stop.

Kate loosed a soundless laugh, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

[jiangwanyin]

hnsjsj for your own sake i tried not too ask anything too 'appropriately depressing' but- 1, 6, 13, 16, 17, 20?

hsnfjsd i don't actually mind but thank you all the same, the sentiment is much appreciated 💗🌸

6. what is something that you’ve always wanted to do but have never been able to do?

i'm not sure i'm interpreting this correctly and if it means what's something i want to but haven't had the opportunity to do or something i want to and have tried but am simply bad at? anyways if it's the former then archery hsndjs if it's the latter then committing to things. i'm not even that scattered and i do have a few things hobbies etc i'm faithful to but there are a billion other projects/activities i get excited about, start or sign up for classes for or whatever and then lose interest in and never get anywhere with :^| i've always admired people who yknow stick to something like a specific sport or art classes or theatre or whatever and just do it regularly for years and years i tend to last a month at most 😳

13. what can make you excessively angry?

honestly? anything from the smallest thing not going my way to being ignored or making a mistake can make me fly off the handle the only thing i have going for me is that a) i'm a people pleaser so if we aren't close i'll repress it and won't get too unpleasant in front of you b) i calm down as quickly as i get mad but i erh definitely have some anger management issues i'm working on–

on a bigger scale and a less personal note however it's definitely injustice as a whole and close mindedness and the people i care about being mistreated and in that case i won't keep my cool regardless of the people i'm around and will always stand up and fight for what i believe is right and that type of anger never really goes away i can get just as mad thinking about something that happened years and years ago as i would about something that happened just the previous day which is also something i need to unlearn because it's a huge waste of my time and energy hsxdjgds but at least it's justified?

16. what is a skill or talent you’ve completely lost or overlooked? why did that happen?

art unfortunately 😔 it was one of the most important parts of my life and my favourite hobby for the longest time but of course as always i expected myself to excel at it without putting the required effort into it and was shocked and surprised when the people with less natural talent but more patience and developed skill started overtaking me and i was still stuck at the level of a 13 year old so you know how it goes, for a while i tried to get better at it, failed to see any improvement after approximately four days and simply gave up and to this day every time i attempt to draw or paint anything i just have a breakdown over how shit it is but i'm too proud to admit that i need to practice and let go of my inane need to be perfect and take classes so until i figure out how do that and submit to the mortifying ordeal of being a beginner and learn how to not give up immediately even without instant gratification i'm just stuck in this endless cycle of oh i miss drawing why did i ever stop > art doesn't turn out the way i imagined it > right yeah that's why > i hate myself i'm a failure i'm never doing this again (repeat) asdgsjd

17. what was your favorite color as a child and what is your favorite color now?

mm i mean turquoise always has and always will be my favourite the same way i'll always say led zeppelin are my favourite band even if i haven't listened to them in ages or lotr my main fandom even though i haven't watched the movies or picked up the book for half a year etc etc some things just have a completely irreplaceable place in my heart but i tend to have these phases of getting fixated on different colours for like a year and currently it's dark purple and when i was a child it was probably pink or red?

20. tell me what you think others think about you.

i guess that depends on how well the people in question know me because i act very differently in different situations so it's probably either quiet, serious, smart, shy, cold, a bit snobby, gives good advice but ultimately too distant and weird to really connect with OR passionate, deeply caring but at the same time rather self absorbed, supportive, not particularly dependable because i have a tendency to disappear but a good friend for the most part, the serious and gives good advice is probably still true and definitely a lot warmer? alternatively if someone doesn't like my style they probably see me as pretentious, a bit fake since i always try and be the version of myself that's most suited for and most likely to be loved and admired in the given situation, selfish, pigheaded and terrible at accepting let alone asking for help and someone who cares too much about rules, doesn't know how to let loose and have fun which of course is all very true but most people tend to find me amazing regardless✨

send me ✨deep✨ asks

[saltykong]

Hello All! ❁ I hope you have been well and that you have been staying safe~ This is going to be one LONG message, but I hope it reaches you ♥

I started this Tumblr blog in the height of my struggles in life. Not knowing what I wanted to do, failing at what I thought I was meant to do, and even finding myself becoming more lonesome with no way out. That is when KPOP came in. I think it’s safe to say many of us came to KPOP whether we were in a similar internal struggle or even wanted to escape to something that sounded and felt new to what we knew growing up. That is exactly what it was for me. KPOP was used as a means of escape from the troubles I was having. Through those troubles, I met VIXX. These six boys, having a sound like no other. Their concepts, instrumentals, outfits, all of it was always heavily in-tune with their theme, creating some of the most amazing discography, music videos and stages I have ever seen. VIXX aren’t concept kings for nothing. In that, my bias became Hongbin. A sassy, and sometimes blunt but well-meaning individual that was, unfortunately, often ignored by his company on his musical talents. Instead he was placed in the box of, “visuals.” This isn’t a bad thing but to him, he wanted to be more than just a “face.” He was also the least popular and most ignored member when I joined the fandom. But he didn’t let this stop him and continually pushed to be seen. It was this determination and drive that I wanted to support. Hongbin was the underdog and in my own struggles, I wanted to be one too. I created what can jokingly be called a “shrine” to my comfort kpop boy. I wanted him to be seen more by the fandom in someway and so I picked up learning to make gifs, understanding Photoshop, and even learning basic HTML. In fact, because of this blog, I found a love and passion for web development and coding. It was something I liked to do, even if I wasn’t that good at it. It was hard but I was able to switch gears from a Biology degree to one that was Computer Science focused, despite many in my life saying that wasn’t possible. With that, I found a new path with new struggles but I persevered through it, just as Hongbin had been doing with each new single and album. 2019 was arguably Hongbin’s year. Coming off from the high that was the Eau de VIXX album and Scentist single, Hongbin started to stream on Twitch because he loves video games and wanted to share that. He also was in a drama and on a variety show. Not to mention that he saved Summer 2019 with “COOL LOVE,” a collaborative effort with MONSTA X’s Hyungwon. I wanted 2019 to be my year as well and worked hard at it. Simultaneously, I created projects, graduated university with a CS degree and got a job within the first three months. I had been fortunate in my endeavors. But with more responsibilities, this blog in recent years has been lacking content. I haven’t made anything on here in two years and I feel bad about that. Every time I want to come back, I don’t ever have a drive to do it. There may be a chance that I feel like I’ve outgrown Tumblr. I apologize for thinking like this. Now let’s talk about what has happened in recent months. Hongbin, yet again, found himself in a messy situation. There is a cycle when it comes to Hongbin where he will do something that is unfavorable, he will leave on hiatus, and then he will comeback. Hongbin stans will know, we go MONTHS without hearing from him or seeing him. It’s an unfortunate situation to be in but I truly believe Hongbin stans are some of the strongest people in this fandom because of it. This recent situation was not what we were expecting. Hongbin ended up in a bad situation again and had been gone since March. He finally popped up again two weeks ago, much to everyones surprise. This was a moment of happiness that was short lived due to the following news that arrived. Hongbin would be leaving VIXX. It feels unnatural to even be typing that sentence but here we are. I don’t know what happened to come to this decision but I felt fatigued from that news. I couldn’t concentrate on work, I talked to everyone about how I was feeling, and even took a brief hiatus from social media. It seems dramatic to feel like this about someone I don’t know but again, he is the reason I worked as hard as I did to be were I am. I’m sure many of you understand this emotion. I came to the resolution that, although it hurts, if Jellyfish wasn’t going to help him or promote him, it was probably best he leaves. He would definitely become popular on Twitch. But the moment I had resolved that, he came in with more news that would break the wall. He would be enlisting as early as today, August 17-18th 2020. This one did not hurt as much because I believed it would be best he go early to get it out of the way. Him leaving VIXX was unseen however. Hongbin stans have had it the hardest, I hope you all, even non-Bean stans, are taking care of yourselves and doing your best to stay positive. I guess with this extremely long note I wanted to say that I don’t think I will be active on this blog for a while. I’m not on Tumblr everyday anymore and with Hongbin leaving VIXX, content won’t be as easily available or gif-able. I’ve grown a little tired as well and I truly don’t think I have enough space in my computer anyways. I will leave my blog open so that if anyone wants to see some interesting gifsets with Hongbin or even if a new baby STARLIGHT comes across content or is seeking it, it’s there. The only thing I hope people can protect my gifs from being stolen. Many gif-makers have this issue and I’m not any special to be asking of this but I don’t think people understand how long and arduous the process to create them are. We sacrifice a lot of computer space and run our systems hard to start up our programs to make them. Not to mention we hunt for videos constantly and even sacrifice sleep to be able to get performances live sometimes. Then there is the compliance with Tumblrs gif limits to take into account. Some times there is a lack of creativity or individualism in content, so we constantly brainstorm to give the fandom something fresh for their own blogs. It’s extremely tedious to make them but the satisfaction of not only creating them, but having people interact with them and share them, makes the process worth it. You don’t know, but every single person that reblogs my gifs, I tend to go to that persons page to look at their interests and read their tags. Thank you to those that write in the tags of my posts, I find enjoyment from reading them. If I can say, I trust my gifs with STARLIGHT fandom, please don’t let them be stolen or used unnecessarily. This is my gift to you. ❤ As for gif-making, the one thing I regret is that I didn’t finish a particular series I was working on. That doesn’t mean I won’t come back to finish it however, just not right at this moment. As for mutuals, much of them migrated off the platform at the same time as me. But I just want to thank them and the STARLIGHTS who were especially close to me and lent an ear when all I wanted to do was talk about Hongbin. I’ve made some of the greatest friends through VIXX. Thank you for being there. The VIXX fandom gave me something to work for, to look forward to, and what could be improved. Coming on to Tumblr after so long, I am so happy that my efforts and the efforts of other blogs that were there when I was, made more people become Hongbin fans and even birthed new and talented gif-makers. Thank you for being the next bunch to push it forward. Lastly, thank you to all the people that follow me. I did my best to interact with all of you as much as I could, and even now, thank you for supporting my work. You are the reason I do what I do, and I hope it inspires you in some way too. I wish Hongbin a safe military stint and hope he comes back with a fresh and new perspective on what he wants to do. Thank you Hongbin for what you have inspired me and others to do. You can now follow me on Twitter if you still want to see what I’m up to, there are changes coming there as well but I hope you do follow. I will always support VIXX, even as a five-man group but, VIXX will always be SIX to me. Thank you for everything, I hope to come back to this blog one day to create again.

[dieviskais]

and i oop

so  i’m  gonna  take  a  moment  to  gush  about  silver   &   just  some  personal  stuff   ,   because  i  probably  won’t  be  able  to  write  any  of  my  replies.   silver  is  my  favorite  sonic  character   &   so  it  really  does  put  a  smile  on  my  face  whenever  you  say  you  guys  like  my  portrayal  of  him   !   i’ve  spent  months   &   months  working  on  him   <3   !   &   in  advance   ,   i  apologize  for  the  lack  of  writing   &   continuously  asking  for  opinions  on  my  portrayal  without  doing  much  fdkslajfkdsf

i  was  so  worried  to  begin  silver’s  blog.   when  i  first  came  to  the  sonic  rpc  a  year  ago   ,   i  wasn’t  all  that  confident.   i  made  gadget’s  blog  first  as  a  fail  safe  to  be  honest.   i  liked  his  design   &   considering  he  was  a  blank  slate  character   ,   i  had  free  reign.   for  months  i  kept  thinking   &   pondering   &   working  on  his  character   &   tried  to  sculpt  something  special   &   unique  for  everyone  to  enjoy.   it  wasn’t  until  i finally  started  being  comfortable  with  writing  gadget  did  i  think  to  myself   ,   you  know  there  isn’t  that  many  active  silver  blogs.   which  is  where  the  start  of  my  original  silver  blog  began.

suffice  it  to  say   ,   i  felt  out  of  place.   my  only  experience  with  sonic  was  a  couple  of  spin  off  games  like  sonic  fighters   &   the  like   ,   &   sonic  06  being  the  only  games  i’ve  really  known.   at  the  time   ,   nintendo   &   pokemon  in  specific  really  consumed  all  my  interests.   still   ,   despite  06′s  flaws  i  stilled  loved  it   &   i  really  loved  silver   !   which   ,   is  why  i  was  scared  to  write  silver  in  the  first  place.   not  only  has  silver  himself  in  recent  years  been  watered  down  to  uwu  baby   &   incompetent  without  someone  there  to  hold  his  hand   ,   but  a  lot  of  what  i  saw  from  the  fandom  also  adopted  that  mindset  for  silver.   which   ,   sucked  for  me   ,   because  i  loved  06′s  version  of  silver  a  lot.   i  remember  when  i  was  first  writing  him   &   all   ,   even  though  i  had  these  headcanons   &   this  about  page  detailing  all  this  different  stuff  about  him   ,   it  felt  like  in  my  own  writing  i  was  just  selling  myself  out   &   writing  him  like  the  baby  the  fandom  wanted  out  of  him.   it  was  really  rough   &   tiring.   it  wasn’t  until  around  the  time  i  made  his  second  blog  did  i  really  break  away  from  that   &   portraying  him  how  i  wanted  to.   which   ,   even  then  i  still  wasn’t  all  that  free   &   felt  like  i  was  holding  myself  back   ,   but...

with  my  return  to  the  sonic  rpc  after  months  of  mia   ,   here  i  am  with  my  own  portrayal  of  silver.   something  inspired  from  06   ,   but  something  unique   &   special  to  me.   giving  him  layers  upon  layers  upon  layers   &   fleshing  out  his  character  in  a  different  perspective.   as  well  as  just  taking  his  character   &   pushing  it  further  to  add  an  even  more  interesting  take   ,   the  concept  of  silver  being  this  time  deity.   while  i  may  not  be  the  most  super  active  writer   ,   please  know  that  i’m  super  ecstatic  with  writing  silver.   his  aesthetics   &   overall  character  fits  nicely  together  with  my  style  of  writing   &   it  makes  me  super  happy.   while  it’s  always  a  bit  of  a  hassle  to  reply  to  things  due  to  me  being  specific  with  my  writing   ,   being  able  to  writing  not  just  his  aesthetic   ,   but  whole  surreal  vibe  as  a  whole   ?   it’s  a  wonderful  experience  to  say  the  least.

there’s  so  much  to  my  silver   &   it’s  fun  to  just  write  it  out.   even  if  it’s  only  ever  just  tiny  bits   &   pieces  in  my  writing   ,   just  being  able  to  read  through  some  of  my  old  writing   &   seeing  all  the  little  sprinkles  of  who  he  is  just  makes  me   :).   in  his  presence   ,   there’s  an  odd  feeling  of  tension   (   but  nothing  too  drastic   ,    but  it’s  there.   something  just  underneath  the  surface   ).   his  psychokinesis  gives  him  this  aura  that  simply  makes  it  known   ,   he’s  here.   it’s  unsettling   ,   because  compared  to  the  peaceful  presence  that  he  gives  off  in  his  voice   &   dialogue.   sometimes  he  says  things  that  are  vague  or  something  is  just  a  little  off   ,   but  there’s  always  that  small  smile  on  his  face   ,   that  tired  look  in  his  eyes   ,   there’s  always  that  peaceful  tone  in  his  voice.   he’s  patient   &   calming   (   but  his  eyes  are  always  looking  into  the  distance   ,   his  eyes  are  always  lonely   ).

but  what’s  off  putting   ,   is  that  he  knows  something  you  don’t.   what  gives  him  weird  vibes  is  that  when  he  talks  to  you   ,   there’s  a  look  in  his  eyes  that  says  i’ve  accepted  your  death.   what’s  strange  is  that  he  always  seems  to  come  around  when  it’s  a  little  too  convenient  for  him.   like  he  already  knew  where  you’d  be   ,   where  you’re  going   &   what  you’re  doing.   yet  he  simply  acts  like  he  hasn’t  got  a  clue.

upon  all  of  that   ,   he’s  still  silver.   he’s  still  that  last  bit  of  hope  a  world  on  fire  still  left.   he’s  the  remains  of  a  desolate  land   &   he’s  the  survivor  of  a  bleak  future.   he  still  seeks  his  own  justice   &   every  once  in  a  while  there’s  still  a  glint  of  hope  in  his  eyes   (   like  he’s  a  torch  just  barely  lit   /   but  the  fire  still  blazes  no  matter  how  small  it  is   ).   he’s  still  just  a  bit  playful   &   warm   &   despite  everything  that  he’s  been through   ,   he’s  still  himself.   

yet  there’s  something  that  hides  in  the  shadow  of  his  smile   ,   on  the  tips  of  his  quills   &   fur.   an  anger   &   frustration  that  resides  in  him.   he  was  just  a  child  when  the  fate  of  the  world  was  burned  into  the  palms  of  his  hand.   he  was  a  child  when  he  had  to  learn  to  fend  for  himself.   he  was  still  an  innocent  youth  when  his  angel  wings  were  torn  off  his  body.   his  childhood  is  in  the  ashes  of  the  flames  he  constantly  had  to  extinguish  every  day.   the  smell  of  something  burning  reminds  him  of  home   (   but  it  was  never  home   ).   he’s  not  free   ,   his  wrists   &   ankles  are  cuffed   ,   he’s  a  prisoner  of  fate.   no  matter  what  he  can’t  seem  to  save  his  world   &   it  frustrates  him.   his  entire  life  all  he  ever  did  was  try  saving  this  world   &   it  always  ends  in  disaster.   &   in  his  frustration   ,   he  constantly  goes  back  in  time  to  destroy  his  decaying  world  himself.   leaving  nothing  in  his  path   ,   until  he  tires  himself  out.

&   he  repeats  the  cycle.

since  silver  has  repeated  these  timelines  over   &   over  again   ,   he’s  gotten  lost  with  his  path.   like  he’s  simply  a  ghost  in  time.   he’s  not  tangible  with  the  worlds  he  sees  before  him.   he  constantly  tells  himself  that  he’s  not  apart  of  their  life.   it’s  why  it’s  difficult  to  get  close  to  him.   even  when  you  think  that  you  are  getting  close   ,   there’s  still  a  billion  more  layers  guarding  his  heart.   he  holds  a  heavy  burden   ,   that  he  can’t  simply  find  himself  getting  comfortable  with  letting  anyone  get  close  to  him.   despite  how  touch  starved  he  is   ,   he  continues  to  ache   &   keep  to  himself.   burning  the  bridges  before  they  can  cross   (   because  all  he  knows  is  to  burn   /   destroy   ).

but  enough  about  that   ,   i  can  go  on   &   on   ,   but    !   i  really  just  want  to  say  how  happy  it  makes  me  to  anyone  that  would  take  the  time  to  read  my  ramblings  at  all   :’)   !   i’m  constantly  thinking  about  silver   &   my  other  muses   &   i  really  put  a  lot  of  heart  into  creating  a  unique   &   fun  muse  to  write  with   !   as  well  as  making  sure  that  he  feels  real   &   consistent  to  how  i  want  to  portray  him.   all  while  crafting  it  all  into  this  very  extra   &   pretty  imagery  in  my  own  writing  style   !   it  means  a  lot  when  i  hear  that  you  guys  enjoy  him   &   i  want  all  my  mutuals  to  know  i appreciate  you  all  as  well   !   &   i’m  just  as  excited  to  keep  working  on  silver   &   hopefully  staying  for  as  long  as  i  can   <3   !

[violethowler]

This Isn’t A Zero Sum Game: An Analysis of Lotor’s Interactions With The Paladins as a Whole Across Seasons 5 and 6

Every once in a while I’ll think about some “hot take” I saw in the VLD fandom more than a year ago and just think about how canon... just did not support those  conclusions... And since that’s how most of my meta get started, I churned out a new one: 

In the wake of Seasons 5 and 6 dropping I saw a lot of posts, particularly from Lotor stans, bashing the Paladins for the way they treated him in the first two episodes of Season 5, how cruel they were to just give him over to his father without a second thought. I even saw a few arguing over how humane his treatment was in S5E1. 

While I do believe that Lotor’s desire for peace was genuine (as we would have seen in Season 8 before the executive meddling cut the payoff), I think that it’s a little extreme to argue that the Paladins treatment of him in S5E1 The Prisoner was unethical, or that they were just throwing him to the wolves in S5E2.

To quote one of my favorite video game characters, “Let’s hit these plot points in order.”

What exactly were people expecting the Paladins to do after Lotor saved the day in “A New Defender”? Immediately welcome him into the fold with open arms and a fresh batch of cookies that Hunk made just for the occasion? They’re forgetting that just a few episodes ago, Lotor was still in charge of the Galra Empire. He wasn’t a fringe third party with a checkered past who showed up to help when the chips were down like Rolo and Nyma. For all of Season 3 and most of Season 4, he’s been an enemy combatant, and they treated him as such. While he may currently be at odds with his father after S4E3, the Paladins have no way to know whether he genuinely wants peace or is just telling them what they want to here so he can take advantage of them. Because he’s done it before.

In S3E2 Red Paladin, Lotor has Narti use her mind control powers to have the leader of Puig send a distress signal asking Voltron for help. When they arrive, he ambushes them and sends multiple waves of fighters to gauge their skill and whether they would be able to retrieve the trans reality comet. When he gets what he wants, he leaves.

Two episodes later, in S3E4 Hole in the Sky, Lotor attaches a distress beacon to the ship with the comet inside that mimics an Altean distress signal. When Voltron arrives, he waits for them to retrieve the comet, then attacks them, steals the comet for himself, and flies off.

That’s two times now that Lotor has faked a distress signal and then used Voltron’s desire to help to further his own agenda before flying off with the fruits of his labor. He may not have done anything to them since then, but they are understandably wary of being used like that a third time. You know how the old saying goes. “Fooled me once, shame on you. Fooled me twice, shame on me.”

So, when he slides up to the Coalition saying “hey, I know we’ve fought in the past but let’s see if we can come to an agreement”, he’s looked at with suspicion, and understandably so. The Paladins aren’t going to just give free reign of the Castle of Lions to someone they know very little about, who was an enemy combatant less than a month ago (by all indications S4E2-6 take place within a very short period of time), and who has a history of using their desire to help people to advance his own agenda. So, they put him in the cell as a probationary measure. If he proves trustworthy, they give him access to more of the castle. If it turns out that he’s using them for his own ends like they fear, well, they’ve already locked him up, and at least he wouldn’t have been able to access any sensitive information. We see that bear out in S5E3 Postmortem. The Paladins aren’t bothered that Lotor’s out of his cell. He’s proven his intentions by killing his father. Their main reaction is surprise that they’re giving him access to the bridge already.

[EDIT]: Some posts following the release of Season 5 pointed out that if the lights on Lotor’s prison deck were kept on 24/7, it would constitute a form of torture. While that is a valid point to make, I saw quite a few blogs that took that possibility and exaggerated it, not even considering the “if” part of the original discussion, declaring it as fact, and rushing to label the Paladins’ actions as war crimes because we never saw Lotor’s cell with the lights off. It should be noted that all of these scenes took place in the daytime, and while we never see that specific room at night, Season 2 already showed that the castle’s lights are turned off during the night cycle, and there’s nothing to suggest they didn’t do the same with Lotor’s cell. 

And there’s also another angle that isn’t really talked about – that not everyone we saw in the Coalition in previous seasons was willing to work alongside Galra like the Blade of Marmora. While the rebels we see in Begin the Blitz and A New Defender are just fine working with the Blades, it’s not out of the question that some Coalition members might resent the Coalition’s Galra allies. And if Lotor’s on the Castle of Lions, that would make him a target. The cell could also have been just as much to keep trigger happy Coalition members out as it was to keep him in.

Then I hear people arguing that they were just going to hand him over to Zarkon with no strings attached, that they were just going to give Lotor up and trust that Zarkon would stay true to his word. It sometimes sounded like some people want so badly for Lotor to be a bigger victim than he already is that they twisted canon to make the Paladins out to be thoughtless jerks. Because S5E2 Blood Duel shows us that everything that happened was all according to plan.

For those who are unfamiliar, the Unspoken Plan Guarantee trope refers to the pattern that the more the audience knows the details of the plan beforehand, the greater the chances the plan will fail, and the fewer details the audience knows in advance, the greater the chances the plan will succeed. Explaining the details of the plan after it’s been successfully carried out is optional.  

After Zarkon pulls the hologram trick, the phrase “Hold our position until the time is right.” Is repeated by both Shiro and Lance (albeit without the “until the time is right” part for Lance). And the show tells us that the moment when “the time is right” is when Lotor attacks Zarkon and leads him away from the shuttle.

When the Paladins are arguing with Shiro in S5E3 Postmortem, they don’t say anything to the effect of “why did you give Lotor a weapon?” They had no problem with him being armed. The issue they had was that Lotor was given the Black Bayard, his father’s signature weapon they had only just gotten back from Zarkon 14 episodes ago. One wrong move in Blood Duel, and that weapon would have been back in Zarkon’s hands. And for a moment in that episode, it was. Zarkon did get his hands on the Black Bayard and if Lotor had been a second too slow, Zarkon would have killed all five Paladins, plus Matt and Sam in a single strike.

I’ve mentioned before that VLD prefers to show things to the audience rather than explain them out loud. Sometimes it’s to the show’s detriment because the answer to viewers’ questions aren’t immediately obvious. But watching Blood Duel again, it’s clear that plan was always “make the hostage exchange. Wait for Zarkon to double cross us. Lotor attacks Zarkon and leads him on a chase across the desert. Shiro, Matt, and Pidge storm the shuttle to free Sam.” The Paladins were always going to ensure that Lotor was armed during the fight with his father. The only issue they had was Shiro’s choice of what weapon to give him.

So now that Lotor has proven they can trust him, they start to drop their guard and be more casual and friendly around him. And according to Matt during the flashbacks in S7E7 “The Last Stand: Part”, by the time Sam Holt has been on Earth for just over a year, Voltron had been missing for six months. That means that between S5E5 Bloodlines and S6E4 The Colony, Voltron and Lotor had been working together for just over six months. That’s six months of the Paladins slowly growing to trust and befriend the new Galra Emperor. But the little embers of doubt about his intentions were still there in the back of each of their minds.

That’s why it’s so easy for the Paladins to believe Keith and Romelle when they show up accusing him of murdering Alteans with no concrete evidence other than their own assumptions. Because given his behavior before Naxzela, an apparent reveal that he had been playing the long game manipulating them all along rekindled those embers of suspicion. It’s easy for them to conclude that Lotor was playing a long con since it would fit with his behavior towards them prior to Season 4. Because what non-nefarious reason could Lotor possibly have for not telling Allura and Coran that he had been sheltering the surviving Alteans after working together for six months?

We know why Lotor didn’t say anything. Because he refused to risk Haggar discovering the Colony’s existence and scouring the universe until she found it. But the Paladins have never experienced the level of privacy invasion and subsequently justified paranoia that Lotor has. So, they do not have the experience to understand that he refused to risk the security of the colony by revealing its existence where Haggar might have spies or listening devices or cloned sleeper agents to overhear.  

I agree with the theory that Lotor was telling the truth about the Altean Colony and that what was happening there was not what Keith and Romelle believed it was. I absolutely believe that the Paladins leaving Lotor in the rift was a mistake. But the attempts by certain Lotor stans to water this down to a black and white scenario of Paladins Evil, Lotor Good are not supported by canon. Canon shows us that the falling out between Lotor and the Paladins was a messy situation where everyone had understandable reasons for reacting to the reveal of the colony as they did. That doesn’t make any one person’s reactions right or justified, only that if you put the pieces together it’s understandable how they reached the conclusions they did.

TL;DR: There is no evidence in the show that suggests Lotor was treated inhumanely, the Paladins were never going to just hand him to Zarkon unarmed and hope for the best, and Lotor's paranoid refusal to tell them about the Colony gave Keith's accusations greater weight because it was in line with his behavior towards the Paladins in Season 3 enough for them to believe that he had been pulling a long con all along. 

[entireoranges-creativity]

Rumors

Title: Rumors Fandom: Figure Skating Ship: VirtueMoir Note: Ok so this one of those stories where I had no real plans I just wrote and let my muse lead me where it felt necessary. It lead me here ... to be honest I’m not sure if I’m that happy with the results. But I figured I might as well share it. Disclaimer: This is a fictional story based on real people if that makes you uneasy don’t read. Also do not link on any sites without my permission.

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Scott eyebrows perk up and a smirk develops as he listens to Tessa mutter with growing frustration from across the room as she scrolled through her cellphone.

“What’s up T?”

“Oh nothing. Well besides the fact I’m apparently pregnant. Of course your the father.” He chuckles shaking his head.

“Yeah yeah we already knew that. Isn’t our secret love child like five by now? God we’re horrible parents!’ Rumors had always been circulating over their relationship status. Assumptions, stories, and boldface lies were attached to both their names. Scott always rolled his eyes at them and never really gave them consideration. The ignore it they’ll go away mindset. T

‘I mean its the same shit as always. Twisting everything around, adding inflection that clearly wasn’t there. Most people don’t believe that stuff. So what’s the difference this time Tess?”

“The difference is I threw up during a performance about three weeks ago? Remember?” How could he forget? She had literally vomited on him during one of their lifts. Scott’s memory was full of happy and blessed memories with Tessa; that was not one of them.

“Yeah I am aware of it. You had food poisoning. I told you that fish didn’t look right.” Tessa glares at him; she was really getting tired of him bringing that up.

“According to the internet that was just a rouse to cover up the fact that I’m actually pregnant. Based on the assumption we all eat the same stuff while on tour and since nobody else got sick then the food narrative poisoning is a lie. Oh and because I haven’t discussed what happened besides the initial tweet people think I’m hiding something.”

“Yeah because it’s perfectly normal for people to discuss in details pouts of food poisoning and getting violently ill in public. Seriously Tessa don’t let it bother you. Like all the other rumors it will end. I mean I can sorta see these kooks believing we’re hiding one kid. But two? We’d be arrested!” He raises from his seat and walks over to her placing a hand on her shoulder.

“It gets frustrating. Tiresome I suppose is a better description. It’s hard to live when every move you make is underneath a thousand microscopes. The worst part is that no matter what I say about any subject or personal opinion someone out there will think I’m lying.”

“As I said most people out there don’t believe that shit. And I have a feeling a lot of those who do post those idiotic rumors and strange pieced together speculations deep down they realize its just a fantasy. A bit of fun.”

“Yeah but it’s starting to leave the fan generated social sites and some more reputable sources are starting to ask questions and make assumptions.’ Tessa drops her head and sighs. ‘I’m just emotionally exhausted from all of it. I’ve tried being nice, have been brutally honest, just plain ignored everything. Its never the right approach. How does it not get to you?”

“Because I have better things to worry about. It helps I don’t pay attention to shit like this.’ He leans over and taps her phone. ‘You should too.” She scoffs.

“It’s not that easy Scott. The world now runs on social media. You gotta take the good with the bad. I just wish the bad wasn’t so shitty. Ugh sorry. Guess I’m just having a bad day.” Scott squeezes her neck.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re allowed. Hey!” Tessa squirms in her seat to face him.

“Yes?”

“A bad day? Feeling moody?”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t need to.” Tessa tries to glare at him but soon begins to smile; she couldn’t actually refute what he said.

“Fine whatever.”

“I know its not that time of the month.” He had her cycle memorized by the time she was seventeen, sometimes more aware of its upcoming arrival then she is.

“Is there a point to this?”

“Maybe you are pregnant!” Scott gasp dramatically.

“Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious.”

“Just one question whose the father?’ Tessa shakes her head returning to attention to her phone. ‘Well? Who’s ass do I need to kick?”

“Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“No, not really. Seriously though who would it be?” She turns the phone back to the home screen and repositions herself again to look at him.

“Scott I’m not pregnant. I haven’t even had sex with anyone in....well whose counting! So why the question?’ He shrugs and suddenly becomes obsessed with looking at his feet. ‘Scott? Look at me.” After a few moments he does.

“What?”

“Why do you have this weird desire to know who’d the father of my fictional baby would be?”

“I don’t. I was just messing around.” He gives a strained laugh and playful swats her back.

“Stop lying. You really do suck at it.”

“I’m jealous.” He mumbles.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m jealous.” He says louder.

“Of what?!”

“Nothing.”

“Jesus Scott! Are you actually jealous of the idea I had a child with someone else?! A child that does not exist?!’ He just shrugs again. ‘And people actually think we have a relationship! God you can’t even tell me how you feel!’ Its at that moment Scott seemingly springs to life leans down and kisses her, hard, passionately, and almost desperately. Tessa responds by jerking away and to her feet.

‘What the hell Scott?!” The reality of what he did washes over him. He had no right to do that. To treat or anyone else for that matter like that. He was raised better then that.

“God T I’m sorry.” He wants to say more, she deserves more but nothing comes to mind.

“Scott I can’t do this. I really can’t. I feel like I’m drowning and you’re holding me under the water. You scoff and laugh at these bullshit rumors of babies and quick kisses during performances. You say or do nothing to help end them. Your silence speaks louder then you realize. Leaving it up to me to try to extinguish the flames. Meanwhile I have no idea how you really feel!”

“You’re better at that stuff. With the rumors and speculation aspect I mean. If you want me to get more vocal in trying to stop them I will. I can become a first class dick.” Tessa’s eyes soften. She knew he’d try but he didn’t have it in him to be a dick.

“I just don’t want all the pressure on me. These rumors are about us. Or maybe there not rumors?” He throws his head back and laughs.

“So you are pregnant!” She rolls her eyes.

“Scott....”

“I know. I know. Sorry. You should know how I feel.” He takes a step towards her.

“How? How am I supposed to know? You never say anything and when you do its like you’re reading from a script. You flirt, you kiss me! You say during press conferences you want to possibly pursue a relationship, but then you never discuss it with me! You get jealous over the idea I’d have a child with someone else. Then go back to making jokes. Scott I thought the fans on social media made my head spin but its you.” Scott runs his hand through his hair his eyes returning to the floor.

“I can’t discuss how I feel because I don’t know how I feel.”

“Stop lying.”

“I’m not!” She this time moves forward until she’s able to press her finger into his chest.

“Then stop hiding. Talk to me Scott.”

“I don’t want things to change.” His voice is soft.

“What would make them change?” She knew but she was gonna make him face it.

“If I admit I like you. If I admit I love you. If I admit the idea of you with another guy kills me. If I admit I can’t be strong enough for you. You’re right I back away from these rumors, I don’t help when I force you to handle everything. And I know the pressure is killing you. Tessa? What if that reality can’t hold up to what we have now?” She moves her hand up and caresses the side of his face. He leans into the touch closing his eyes.

“We won’t have to hide anymore. We won’t have to dodge the rumors.” He reopens his eyes.

“It could fail.”

“We have never failed at anything. I love you Scott. Simple as that. But if you truly are not ready or willing for this I understand. Life will continue on as it always had. I’m sure within the next ten years we’ll be up to four kids which are surprisingly never seen!”

“Prodigy ice dancing kids.”

“Of course.”

“All with your green eyes.” Tessa blushes.

“I’m okay with the fantasy. If that’s all you want Scott.” He shakes his head.

“I’m not. I want the reality. I want you.” He leans in and kisses her again. This time a real gentleman kiss.

“I still can’t believe you were actually jealous of a rumor.” She mutters a few seconds later after the kiss ended.

“I still can’t believe you ate that fish.”

“I swear to God if you bring that up one more time this will end before it begins!”

“Duly noted. So what now?” Tessa shrugs.

“I suppose we just do what we always do. And right now I’m thinking I could use some dinner. Interested in joining me?”

“Of course. I heard of a really good sea food pla...”

“Scott!”

“What? I didn’t say fish!” She throws her head back and joyfully laughs.

“Fine. Yeah sounds good.”

+++THE END+++

[eglantinex]

♥ ✮ ☯ ☼ ☀ ☁ ☢ ✦ ✧ ❥ ✖ ♒⚜☣❀

cannonofatlas said: ☀ What's your rp pet peeve?

This has gotten much longer than I thought it would be.

✧ Do you agree with reblog karma or is it forced interaction?

(As I mentioned in my rules, RP memes are essentially invitations to interact. When someone reblogs one of them and is practically begging you to send one, but you don’t do it, then reblog it and beg everyone else to send you one--how does that make sense? There’s a reason people call it karma--remember, do unto others?

People shouldn’t be so militant about it, sure, but there’s a reason people get sensitive about it. Even saying “b-b-but I don’t feel worthy!” doesn’t make sense after a point--we all say that. Being self-deprecating doesn’t magically make us special.

If they don’t answer, or don’t give the answer you wanted, don’t let that discourage you. You guys are following each other for a reason. Don’t be afraid to do some trial and error. If one person isn’t receptive then someone else will be, guaranteed.

☢ What fads/trends are you so over?

Using so much HTML that you can barely read the actual reply. I know why people use it and I don’t want to come off as universally disliking people who do it, and more often than not people do use it in a way that actually complements their writing and gives their replies a distinct flavor. Rather than trying to make it look all fancy and aesthetically pleasing, but when you actually read the reply, it’s...mediocre, at best. Focus on the quality of your writing first, then pretty your replies and your blog up all you like. Just for god’s sake, never the other way around.

(If I follow you and you format replies, this isn’t about you. If I disliked someone’s RP style so much then I would not be following them at all.)

♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in?

Always. Complaining. Translate that to Latin and make it the FNDM’s official motto.

Besides the people I interact with on this blog, I don’t consider myself involved in the RWBY fandom at all. I used to be the person who followed all the popular blogs and nodded along to everything they said, but eventually everything they said was a complaint, complaint, complaint. Even genuine constructive criticism is worded in ways that are exhausting to read. Now it’s popular to hate this character, hate this episode because of one flaw, act like you know exactly how to make the show perfect and the creators are stupid for not seeing your vision. Then there are the people who are like “ugh yeah stupid SJWs,” the people who throw a hissy fit when artists draw Blake with a darker skin tone. Then there are the people who think certain ships are good as gospel, somehow think they’re required to have canon proof or else, and passive-aggressively push the less “popular” ships into a corner.

And yes, I will say this--I also really want more diversity in RWBY, but the rabid way people absolutely demand it from the show is really. shitty. (Lest people think they can have a word with me for daring to have this opinion--no, I am not straight. No, I am not white.)

I’m not saying I’m not aware of the glaring flaws in RWBY’s writing and diversity, and I always like ideas on how to fix those problems, but the fandom’s attitude--the really loud, vocal ones, because most fandoms’ problems revolve back to them--is ultimately counterproductive.

☀ What's your rp pet peeve?

Several. Personal posts significantly outnumbering actual RP-related posts; people being snobby just because their blogs are fancied up; personal blogs mindlessly liking and reblogging stuff (I used to be one of those people, which intensifies that dislike); pity parties that always, always carry over to their characters; characters that try really hard not to look overpowered and fail every time.

♥ What's the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

Absolutely losing my muse for about a year. I’m glad I finally managed to start over, but it was rough. Eventually I was trying to force myself to do replies because I was terrified of becoming irrelevant to my RP partners and I would get angry at them if that seemed to be the case, even if they didn’t really do anything and weren’t aware that I felt the way I did. Given that most of the people I’m doing threads with now are people who used to follow me from the old blog, my worries were completely unfounded.

✮ Have you managed to stay away from drama?

Thank god yes. I don’t get people who say they thrive on that sort of thing; it’s tiring and unproductive. I sort of get the entertainment value but even then it’s not worth it. Just avoid the loud people.

☯ Have you ever tried to bring peace to a situation?

On Tumblr? No. In my earlier days on the Internet in general, I had this idea of being that firm but fair mediator; I remember trying to stop people from responding to a YouTube comment troll when I was maybe 14. But on Tumblr fights get petty and personal real fast--people make it that way--and like I mentioned above, it’s not worth expending my energy anymore. I might message someone to try and calm them down, but otherwise I just ask them to tag their crap or unfollow.

☼ How long do you stay mad?

Depends. If it’s not a big deal to me I brush it off; maybe I’ll be bothered for a while but I try to let it pass. I’m used to bottling things in rather than expressing what upset me because I was used to people not bothering to know, so that makes me stay mad for longer. Even if I do forgive, I don’t forget. Not in the dramatic way people like saying it to make themselves sound so tough, but I know that they’ll probably do it again whether they mean to or not.

☁ Have you ever forgiven a partner when you shouldn't have?

I am too forgiving, so yes. I used to tolerate RP blogs who really played up the pity party out of, well, pity.

✦ Thoughts on duplicates following you?

I haven’t actually had duplicates follow me until today, funnily enough. I don’t mind them; each person portrays the character differently and that’s always interesting to see. But it’s natural to prefer one portrayal over another; I know I do. Just don’t be a jerk about it.

��� Has someone ever ruined an FC or character for you?

Yes.

✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started?

Not a lot that I can tell. People who I RPed with almost three years ago are still operating the same way. Though that’s not to say their writing hasn’t evolved; it definitely has.

Since this is a salty meme I guess this is where I rant about the negative changes I see among RPers, but I don’t really see any right now. Maybe in a few months I’ll see through the cracks.

⚜ How many people do you not like?

RP-wise, only a couple I’ve had uncomfortable experiences with in the past. I think if I ever get a message saying “care to RP?” I may block the sender immediately, no question.

☣ Have you ever rp'd with someone you knew for a fact was abusive but tried to give them a chance/to make up your own opinion on the roleplayer? Did they change or did you understand what people were talking about?

No abusers as far as I know, thankfully--but there is someone who was very much bad news. I’ve mentioned pity parties a couple times above, and this is one of the people I refer to when I say that. They basically acted as if they were a great victim, and sought attention--I was similar to that before, so I know people like that when I see them. I gave them chance after chance because I did believe that their angst came from somewhere genuine, and I wanted to at least help them out of their tragically self-deprecating cycle, but in the end it was too much.

There are other people who became really uncomfortable with them too and made posts calling them out and such, and rather than address those concerns they would call it yet more evidence that the world was so against them and no one loved them. And the thing about people like that is you never know how to tell them that their attitude is not going to reward them at all. You don’t even know if it’s all an act or if they actually think that way.

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill?

The aforementioned gripes with the fandom. That’s why I rarely have RWBY on my personal now, and I struggle with finding blogs that have all the good stuff (fanart, headcanons, speculation, gifs and edits) without all the really annoying ones (militant shipping--god I wish that was referring to actual boats--passive-aggressive comments towards the crew, assuming White Rose and Bumbleby are/should be the canon ships, claiming that the crew are warping the original vision while acting like they magically know better).

[purplesurveys]

1203

survey by vyvyan86

Section 1 – Who were you?

Think back as far as you can. What is the first memory you have? This gets asked a loooooot in surveys and I’ve answered this many times, but my earliest memory is of me waking up in a Winnie the Pooh tent with my sister when I was 3 and she was 1. Our parents took us ‘camping’ which was really nothing more than a tent set up in their room.

What is something you remember enjoying very much as a small child? Reading took up pretty much my entire personality. I was always found with one no matter where I was and it was all I received as presents since my relatives and my parents’ friends knew how much I liked to read at a young age. Shame that hobby’s gone now.

How old were you, when you made your very first friend? I was in kindergarten and I was 4.

Are you still friends with this person today? No, she transferred schools in the first grade and I’ve never kept contact with her since.

Was there a story somebody read or told you that has stuck with you? I loved the book Tikki Tikki Tembo and reread it so many times. The main character’s long name is definitely filed in my head under, ‘things I unnecessarily memorize by heart.’

What is something you get an immense feeling of nostalgia from? Shows or movies from my childhood, like Lizzie McGuire and High School Musical.

As a child, were you a sore loser or a sore winner? I was a sore loser and have still retained elements of it to this day.

Did you go through the "naked phase"? No, I was really shy to be seen naked and even when I was still at that age where someone else had to give me a bath, I already felt conscious and would cover myself up.

Which television shows do you watch the most as a child? When I was a KID kid, I liked watching Hi-5, LazyTown, Art Attack, and Spongebob. As I got older (but still a kid), I took a liking to watching shows meant for older audiences even though I couldn’t always understand the jokes or plots, like Drake and Josh, Zoey 101, Suite Life, etc.

Did you play with siblings, neighbourhood kids or by yourself? I was able to experience all of these.

Is there something you really miss from your childhood today? It’s really just the smaller list of things to worry about. And smaller problems, overall.

Section 2 – Likes and interests

Would you ever like to try competitive pinball playing? No. I don’t even enjoy playing pinball casually, so I don’t see myself taking it up on a competitive level.

Do you knit, crochet or cross stitch? I’ve dabbled in embroidery, if that counts. It’s nice that there are kits available online that already have templates that I’ll just have to trace, since I’m not very creative myself and am not capable of making any artwork from scratch.

Have you ever, or would you like to attend a gaming or comic convention? Yessssss. I’m not a big fan of either, but those conventions have always looked like a ton of fun and I would most likely go so I can view exhibits and look at everyone’s cool cosplays.

What's your opinion on online multiplayer games? I don’t have an opinion on them; I don’t play them, but I don’t have a reason to actively dislike them, either.

Do you like to go cycling? If so, where? I am interested in cycling but I don’t even know how to ride a bike. I know of some friends who’ve been able to bike all the way to Tagaytay and it makes me sooooooooo envious.

Have you ever tried woodturning? If not, would you like to? Maybe not that particular method but I do find wood carving relaxing and would like to try it out sometime.

Do you enjoy drawing? If so, what do you usually draw? I can’t draw at all.

Have you ever attended a painting class? If so, what did you create? I haven’t attended a class but I’ve dabbled in painting, in general – again, mostly through painting kits that already have templates and that already supply me with the colors I need. I’ve never finished any of the images though.

How about a creative writing course? If so, did you get any feedback? I hate creative writing.

What is your favourite form of exercise? The rare times I do work out, I go for HIIT or Tabata exercises.

Section 3 – People

Who is the most important person in your life (besides yourself)? There isn’t one at the moment; I’m really just focusing on myself.

Do people generally approach you easily? I would say it’s 50/50. I’ve heard some people say they find me aloof, while others have no problem coming to me.

Do you get along with people well? If not, what's the problem? Yeah, I would say so. I don’t have bad blood with anyone and if I do it’s always because they’ve already something I didn’t like and I’ve made it a point to ignore them on purpose.

Do you enjoy being in crowds or do you prefer your own company? I can do with both. I treasure my alone time, but I also like being with people and would start to feel sad if I feel like I’ve been isolated for too long.

Which one of your friends have you known the longest? Angela.

Do you find it easy to make friends now? If not, what makes it difficult? I mean I’m in a very active fandom again, for one lol. I think that’s the biggest factor. It’s been SO much easier to find people who are into the same group and strike up conversations with them.

What is something about people that annoys you? I know too many people who always go the extra mile to bash on things that people are into, even though those interests never hurt anyone. It sucks. If you don’t like it just don’t talk about it? Don’t rain on people’s parade.

What is something about people that you really like? When they come together during crises.

If you live alone, what would be your criteria for a roommate? I’d appreciate someone who wasn’t too talkative. Obviously it’s ok to talk, but they don’t have to have a conversation with me every time we’re together. I feel as if I’d quickly grow annoyed with someone who was clingy or too extroverted. Some nice bonuses: If we have the same interests and/or if they know how to cook – I can balance the latter out by doing all the other needed chores.

How about criteria for a spouse, if you're single? I feel like I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel here due to my horrible previous experience...but I’d really just appreciate someone who I know is committed to the relationship and will be willing to go through the ups and downs with me.

In general, what's your attitude towards people? I like to believe everyone is kind unless they give me a reason they aren’t.

Section 4 – Habits

What is something you do every day without fail? Vape.

What is your typical breakfast? Coffee or water, whichever I have time to prepare.

Which article of clothing do you like to wear the most? I stay at home these days because of the c-word, but I mostly wear tank tops these days because the weather is unbelievable.

Is there a TV show you watch habitually? It used to be Friends but I haven’t gone back to it in a while – I haven’t even watched the reunion special yet :/  It also used to be 2 Days 1 Night but I’ve since placed that at the backseat when I started getting into BTS last month. 

Where do you usually spend most of your day? In my room since that’s where I work.

Is there a product that you do not want to run out of? Vape pods and 3-in-1 coffee sachets.

What is your preferred mode of transport? My own car.

Do you usually have something playing in the background when you're home? These days I put on a work-themed playlist to keep me company during my shift but if I have to do something that’s thinking-intensive, like writing a press release, I have to switch it off.

Where do you usually get your groceries? I don’t really purchase groceries just yet. My parents switch up the stores they buy from every time.

How often do you go to your local park? We don’t have one.

Which of your hobbies do you indulge in most often? BTS...hahahahaha

Section 5 – Favourites and dislikes

What is your favourite fruit? I don’t like fruits.

How about your favourite berry? I also don’t like berries.

Which food do you highly dislike? Fruits.

What is your favourite song, and why? I don’t have an all-time favorite song but at the moment I would say it’s Butterfly by BTS.

What is a movie you cannot stand? Me Before You was money well-wasted.

Which trait in a person do you find most appealing? Not really a trait but I’m always fascinated to know about people’s hobbies, since I believe it’s able to tell me a lot about them.

Which trait puts you instantly off? How they think about certain socio-political issues.

Who is an actor/actress who you dislike so much you can't watch them? Amber Heard.

What colour are your favourite shoes? All my favorite shoes are white.

What is a smell that disgusts you to no end? Sinigang or rotten eggs and rice.

Which door handle/door knob do you like the most in your home? ??? This is random haha? Door knobs are pretty nasty to begin with, so I’ll just take a pass for this one.

Section 6 – Culture

What is something very typical to the culture of your home country? We’re very hospitable and would do anything to make you feel at home, whether it’s feeding you until feel like throwing up or giving you Tupperware upon Tupperware of leftovers that you can take home so that you won’t have to cook for a few days.

Do you enjoy art? If so, which form of art is the most enjoyable? Yes, I like looking at art and going to museums and exhibits is one of my favorite things to do. As for forms of art, I like paintings the most.

What is something about another country's culture you don't understand? I guess the one where tipping is viewed as an insult. 

Do you ever attend the theater? If so, which play did you see last? No, not really my type of art.

How about the opera or the ballet? I love watching ballet shows, but I would quickly grow bored with an opera.

Which dance troupe do you enjoy, if any? None.

Do you attend concerts or gigs? If so, which band did you see last? Only if I really really REALLY like the artist/group. I last saw Paramore.

Are you interested in foreign food? I love them and would be open to trying absolutely anything.

If so, which country's cuisine do you enjoy the most? It’s always a three-way tie among Indian, Thai, and Malaysian.

Do you enjoy stand-up comedy? If so, who is your favourite comic? No.

Do you contribute to culture in some way? If so, how? Not as much as I would want to. I do share some culture-related things on social media to raise awareness for them, especially if I find them fascinating; but I don’t exactly craft anything myself.

Section 7 – Charity

Do you volunteer your time to anything charitable? If so, what? There’s a local organization for stray/injured dogs and cats that I donate to. I’d love to put in some volunteer hours as well but I just don’t have the time. :(

Do you donate money to any charities? If so, which ones? ^ Oh, I guess I should’ve answered that here haha.

If you have pets, are any of them rescues from shelters? Arlee was.

Do you donate your old clothes, linen etc. to charitable organizations? I think my mom sometimes does that with our old clothes but she usually gives them away as hand-me-downs to other relatives.

If someone you know is in need, is it in your nature to offer help? Yes.

Have you ever donated Christmas presents to children of poor families? Not on my own volition but we did this in school before.

Have you ever had to rely on other people's charity? Not that I remember.

How do you feel about donating to charities endorsed by celebrities? I don’t mind it but I think it ultimately depends on the charity that they endorse. For instance I’ve read a lot of problematic sentiments about Susan G. Komen so I always disapprove whenever WWE does their yearly breast cancer awareness thing with them.

Is there a charity you absolutely never ever will not trust? PETA as an annoying one, for one.

Have you ever donated to a cause that had a person going door to door? I don’t think so.

In general, what is your opinion on charity? I support it wholeheartedly if the cause is genuine and not just a money-making scheme or if they are hyper-reactive about certain things.

Section 8 – Entertainment

Which was the very first video game you remember playing? That’s a good question that I don’t actually remember the answer to. Maybe Duck Hunt? I have very vague memories of waking up at my grandma’s place in Tondo and using the Nintendo gun thingy.

Which was the very first film you remember watching? Stuart Little 2.

What is your go-to form of entertainment? These days, BTS content.

Do you have a large collection of DVDs/Blu-Rays? Hahahaha I haven’t bought a DVD in nearly a decade. We haven’t thrown any of our DVDs out so I guess in a sense we still have a collection, but we never pop them on anymore as my family and I usually consume our entertainment online now.

How about music albums? I also haven’t bought an album in the same period of time but I’m starting again because of BTS. I've placed orders for their first five albums/mini-albums and they’re supposed to arrive in the country by July or August, so I can’t wait for that.

Do you prefer to have your music on vinyls, tapes, CDs or digital? CDs or digital would do.

When and where do you like to entertain yourself usually? Either in my room or in the living room, where the big TV is.

Do you ever binge watch shows? If so, what are you binging now? I’ve started on Hwarang but it’s not super bingewatch-worthy, mostly because of how slow I find the pacing to be. Good show, though.

What kinds of books do you like to read, if any? Autobiographies/memoirs.

Is there a book series you're currently collecting? Nope.

Is entertainment something you prefer to enjoy alone or with someone else? It’s always better with somebody else, to be honest.

Section 9 – Internet

Do you always have access to the Internet, wherever you go? If not, why? If I have data on my phone, then yeah.

Which website do you frequent the most? Google Suite, if it counts.

Which search engine do you prefer and trust the most? Google.

What do you use the Internet the most for? Working, lol.

Do you judge people who have their phones out all the time? If so, why? No, I’m indifferent about it. I’m pretty attached to my phone too so I get it.

If your connection goes down, what do you do? Turn on my data and continue on with my surfing, albeit feel slightly agitated.

Is there something you wish you could do online that isn't possible yet? I actually feel like there’s always already a website or service for anything I need to do on the internet, which is super convenient. Just last week Kata shared with me a website that’s instantly able to turn any photo into a transparent PNG file, which was awesome to discover.

Do you remember the first time you used the Internet? When was it? Yeah, the first website I ever went to was Friendster in like 2007, at a neighbor’s house that doubled as a small internet cafe.

What was a website you used to frequent that doesn't exist anymore? Multiply.

Do/Did you ever have your own website? No.

Isn't it great how much knowledge and info we have at our fingertips? Sure, but honestly I’m more scared than amazed at how much info is out there, and how much we don’t know is actually out there.

Section 10 – And finally...

What is something you consider to be highly controversial? Bad takes on socio-political issues, like refusing to acknowledge someone’s preferred pronouns or continuing to use someone’s deadname.

What kinds of jokes do you like the best? Idk, it doesn’t take a lot to make me laugh.

Is there a person who makes you laugh effortlessly? These days it’s Jimin lol.

Which part of your body do you like the least? My teeth.

What's something random, out of context you remember from your past? I don’t really feel like racking through my head rn hahaha sorry.

Do you wear shoes indoors? Not in Asia you won’t.

What's the silliest thing you've worn on your body in public? A princess dress I had to wear around for like 10 minutes as ‘punishment’ at a school fair.

What's the most important thing in your life right now? My job and doing well at it.

What is the most distant point on the planet that you've been from home? South Korea. I haven’t gone too far yet.

Do you enjoy trivia games? If so, which one's your favourite? I love trivia games and I’d join pretty much any of them.

Are you more logical or emotional? Emotional before, but I believe it’s more logical now